Reg in AtL
Reg in AtL
Examining Dating Preferences: Navigating Race, Societal Pressures, and Deal-Breakers
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In this episode we challenge the notion of whether having a racial preference is considered racist, and we also explore the fine line between preferences and deal-breakers in relationships, standards and whether they should evolve over time.
Dating Preferences and Race
Speaker 1I Said natl , come a team from love city of Atlanta , georgia , going out to the rainy city , which I Know . But now that rena getting in LA is not gonna be as bad , I don't feel bad that you guys are getting Welcome to the rest of the country . You know , like United States of America , ladies and gentlemen , for people in Cali , you know , I think that little rain , you know , maybe to make y'all feel like you belong , because I know it being in Cali , being out there on the west coast and everything Is so gravy all the time .
Speaker 1Like you guys , are living your privileged life , that you don't know what it's like here for the rest of us . And now you got some rain and everything . Hopefully it's not too crazy . How do you , how's it going there for you to know ?
Speaker 2So you're saying , right , you know , this is our punishment or something I don't . I just feel like you guys Wake up call here .
Speaker 1You're in the United States of America and I don't feel like you guys have had that we call in years and it's been gonna bring us into the fold now , like we've been outliers for so long . Welcome to the country . Yeah , that's . All it took was a little rain to get you here . I .
Speaker 2Don't like this . I don't want to be here anymore .
Speaker 1Well , how long is that gonna last for you guys ? I think I mean , maybe you guys get maybe 24 hours of it . Are you gonna move ?
Speaker 2We went to a tropical storm . Now it's still serious .
Speaker 1Oh my god . Well , hopefully everything will be alright for the nail out there . You know , we did an episode here where we were discussing Kind of some dating topics and I wanted to kind of piggyback off that episode because I had a conversation with some friends A while back ago and they were talking we were just talking about just dating , people's dating preferences and stuff like that , and One of the things we brought up was is it racist , like not to date another , a specific race , not , not this , no other race ? You know , date to date , to not date a specific races ? And I Personally didn't think so , because I think that your preferences are your preferences . I think everybody's got them like .
Speaker 1Sometimes it's race in terms of different things . So we'll go down a few different things here . We're we'll kind of talk about a race or a official standpoint or if it's just a preference standpoint . And since we are starting there on that , because you know , I read statistically and I'm not sure if this is still true to know that black women in particular , or the least likely to date other races is , is black women For one . Has that been your , your case and do you is it ? Is it wide open the nails and they're like welcome one , welcome all . That's how my , as I am , it's wide open over here opportunity .
Speaker 1I'm like the employment stuff you build out . That's my dating life as well .
Speaker 2I Would like to say that I am the same , but , yes , I do have a preference . I prefer black men in general , just because I feel like there's a lot of experiences that I have that I . It would be easier to for them to relate to . But no , am I limiting myself ? No , not at all . It's like it's a preference on a requirement , and I think that's what people interesting have an issue distinction .
Speaker 2Yeah , because some people require their specific other to be this way . And then what happens ? You do like a DNA test . They find out that's not them .
Speaker 1Then you're gonna leave them . You gotta leave . Like bro , you were just light skinned you were . You weren't even like , you weren't even black . We found out later on and it was just you were just like a little bit darker , but but you were not black . So now is that a situation that cause for concern , my cause for leaving that individuals with your site ?
Speaker 2Yeah , if you find out that that person doesn't have that quality or that that Nationality or whatever that was anymore , would you ? Would you leave them ? Would you be like bye , I don't want you anymore . That's . I feel that it borderlines on no , it is an issue at that point .
Preferences and Deal Breakers in Relationships
Speaker 1Okay , so then we Will discuss that a little bit and then I was gonna list I'm like a whole list here and we'll just go down the list to see if you feel it's superficial or you feel like such preference which I feel like spoiler alert that most of these are just preferences only because I believe that a lot of times , when it comes to decisions that people make in their life to know there are very few decisions you can make your life like who you're gonna be with , it's almost like totally your decision . You're picking that person , you're picking to be with that person . You know , when it comes to like where you live and stuff like that , sometimes that depends on where you were born , you're socio-economic status . You know what I mean . You can't always just pick up and go and be exactly where you want to be , but at least you can be with the person you want to be with . You know , if nothing else , bearman , I really believe that going across .
Speaker 1So , when it comes to like the race situation and the way that you explained it , that's kind of where I was getting at in a sense of people just have their preferences like for whatever reason it , and I , like that you made did make the distinction there between Kind of like a necessity versus like a preference , because some people have that necessity . And do you find that from your list of because some people call these like I guess not , not really red flags or really want your deal breakers that's , that's the world looking for some people have like a list of deal breakers . So , before we finish on this list , so do you find that that is Beneficial for a person to have , because some people like I don't want to lower my standard ever ? You heard that statement right . Yeah , when , when people are not a list that has like a million things on it , they say , well , I have standards and I just don't want to lower my standards and go for anything out here . Do you , where do you stand on a hard list of deal breakers ?
Speaker 1That's hard , there's gotta be something on there .
Speaker 2No , I do feel like , yes , you should have standards , but I also feel like there should be some kind of flexibility with certain things . Everybody has their non-negotiables like I cannot live without this , like I need this , this kind of thing , this kind of no in my life , whatever . So I get that . But I feel like when you're so immovable , where you just like and Eliminated a whole subsection of the population , it's a bit weird . It's a bit weird because you're also not allowing , you're putting people in a box and Not allowing for any movement outside of that .
Speaker 2People change , people grow , people do different things . So I feel like that's that's . You might need somebody who doesn't have all your , your boxes checked and you can help them get that last box . Or , if they do have all those boxes , what happens if they lose one of those boxes in them , process of you , you being with them ? So say , like you needed , like he is , needs to be at a certain income and he loses a job you know , lose him to like , like how , how rigid are you with these things ? I think that's what really matters , not not necessarily that you have a standard . It's just is your standard , is your standard flexible as it moved , as it grows to change with time .
Speaker 1Do you have ? Did you have a list of deal breakers yourself ? And I know it's . There's got to be something on that list . And now I know there's at least one thing you got to have on a list of bill .
Speaker 2Um , yes , I would say , yes , I have my own list of deal break , because I do want somebody who is financially stable or able to do that , because I look as man is being the head of our household , a leader , and if you can't manage his finances , how can he manage me or anything else that we do ?
Speaker 1That's something that is at a certain dollar amount , I'm coming in . If I'm coming in in a strong 35k a year and I and , but I manage my 35k Is there because you know some women like yo , he needs six figures , somebody , some women , some women in your mind , and now they have , like specific dollar amount no , no , definitely . Is that so ? Is that superficial , or is that a preference , or is that superficial ?
Speaker 2Well , I think that depends too , because did you meet me , knowing that I am at this certain level ? I or I'm a certain I require a certain level of maintenance , and if you can't sustain that maintenance , why are you even talking to me ?
Speaker 1Goodness gracious it like a car . What kind of maintenance are we talking about ?
Speaker 2Relationships , looking for a baddie , looking for a girl to be a certain way and that with that certain look or preference , it comes with An expenditure , like it's costly . It's like you , you have your job , you have to get different certifications and all kind of stuff to get to maintain the job that you have . So why wouldn't your relationship be the same way ? And if you met her at a certain level and you knew , like you could tell this girl expensive , it's not that she just surprised you with it . Like she came out of the woodworks like I want to leave the time , I want you to , I want spa days , all kind of stuff . No , normally those women are up front about what they need and what they want . So if you approach her at your 30k talking about you gonna , you know , gotta tick me , as I am . No , sir , move on .
Speaker 230k has Other things attached to it , like he's got , like it's my 30k , it's my regular salary . But I have a side also where I'm doing this or whatever , or I'm trying to grow this or I'm you have a plan in and that you're actually working towards that I could see like how this is what he's going for . Fine with it , do you ? Like it doesn't matter to me . I I'm working and having my own anyway . Um , but then it just . I guess it gets down to like , if we're gonna be paying for things and taking care of stuff , like who's gonna be bearing the brunt of that ? I personally feel like some things aren't gonna be 50-50 . Like whoever's making more is gonna have to be putting in a little bit more . It's like why would you wanna downplay or like , basically , why would you wanna make it harder for your partner to be with you because you want 50-50 ? That's interesting .
Speaker 1That's interesting , because I think that I don't think that's . I mean , I don't all the way think that's unfair only because people , if you're used to a certain lifestyle , should you have to go down in that lifestyle to be with a certain individual ? I don't think that a lot of people are yeah yeah , I mean , you know it's different when you meet somebody .
Speaker 1at a certain point y'all are coming up together , but it's very but , I think once people are established and they're used to certain things maybe they're used to vacations , maybe they're used to a certain kind of lifestyle they've already provided for themselves then why would you take a step down for somebody else ? I do think that that is it , not that's it , but I do think that that's fair . I should say you know that particular requirement is fair . But I don't think where I think it's kind of crazy is when it's way more than what the person is providing themselves . So that means , let's say , you're at a 30K person and you want a person that's making like $150,000 , but you're making like 30 , 40 yourself , you know , then I think , like you're just looking for somebody to kind of take care of you , to a certain degree Right , I come up and I don't necessarily .
Speaker 1I've never dated women like that . Personally , I don't want somebody that I have to like write off on my taxes like can I claim you ?
Speaker 2You know what I mean , you know what .
Speaker 1I mean , you know what I mean ? I depend it . No , I don't want to depend , and it's weird . It's weird Because I feel like , just from relationship standpoint in general , I think the best ones are based on 50-50 effort 50-50 effort .
Speaker 2I like that 50-50 effort .
Speaker 1Mental effort is not always money effort , because I think you're right , if a person is one person is making more , the other person can make that up in other ways . So I think a 50-50 mental effort into making that relationship work I think is not an unfair situation . Now , one of the things you said before was having a we're talking about the list is having a list that eliminates a certain portion of the population . So is there a certain percentage like that becomes a red flag on somebody's deal breaker list , like you have a deal breaker that eliminates like 80% . Now I can tell you what one of those deal breakers would be . If somebody says I want somebody who makes six figures , you've just eliminated a good percentage of the population With just that one . With just that one would you have a good percentage of the population .
Speaker 1Just that one deal breaker . You've eliminated a good percentage of the population at that point . And then that percentage of the population has a lot of options , so a lot of people feel like to know they fit into those options , wouldn't ?
Speaker 2you think it's gonna be , don't .
Speaker 1It's gonna be some wake up calls there . You know what I mean . If they keep pursuing that line . There's a lot of people who are vying for that . Is there a certain percentage of the population that you feel like is kind of like restrictive , like yo , you can have it , because we can all have our preferences , but is there a certain amount of like realistic realism that we kind of have to interject into these things so that you have a realistic proposition of finding somebody ? Or do you wait till you're like a hundred and then you know , maybe you get a hundred .
Speaker 2I mean somebody's finding them . They're not getting these things out of nowhere . You know it's something , it's coming from something , so the people that are around , I think it's the internet right , because when you look on the internet you can see that 1% .
Speaker 1I can see the 1% on social media . I can see people shopping , doing , living a certain lifestyle that looks like it's bigger than what the actual percentage is if I'm looking on social media . So I feel like , hey , it's so easily attainable but it's not necessarily realistic in life , Like statistics don't bear that out , you know .
Speaker 2True . I have mixed feelings with that because I feel like a lot of people who have those expectations . They have other qualities or things that they know are desirable to a certain subset of people .
Speaker 1Is that just like being ?
Speaker 2hot . No , not necessarily because there's more to being hot , especially when you're doing different business stuff Like it can lead a lot of , I would say , clout to a man in a business setting . If your wife is hot , if your friends want her , it is constant boost and other things . So I feel like but it goes back to what you said like it's that 50-50 effort , like her effort needs to match yours . So if your income's at a certain level , she's got to be at certain level as far as what you want for looks , what you want for physicality , all that kind of stuff , and be okay with that .
Speaker 1So there's that trade off ? Have you ever looked at somebody's significant other and felt that way Like look at somebody's significant other ? I've never looked at somebody's significant other .
Speaker 2You don't think of Dr .
Speaker 1Parr . Well , I've never looked at somebody's significant other and use that as a feel for like , how good or bad that guy may be . Like I've never seen his like . Oh , that's a bad woman . He must be this , or you know what I mean . I've never equated that . Now I've seen it underneath , now I have
Societal Pressure and Preference in Relationships
Speaker 1seen it . If there is a massive disparity in the looks like you know what I mean . You see , one person like one is way more attractive than the other then maybe you're thinking like yo could be something there you know what I mean , but I haven't really done it with just like a mutual , like a close to attraction .
Speaker 1See a guy with a trophy wife , so to speak , and feel like he's a better human being of any sort . You know what I mean .
Speaker 2I feel like it depends when . So , background wise , I used to be in commercial real estate and real estate can be very incredibly superficial about how you look and how you carry yourself . It sells , you know that's what it is . I will say that there's been conversations with people and they felt that if their significant other wasn't up to par as far as , like , educational , background , looks or whatever didn't fit in with the rest of the group , they would not do business with them . They take being a single man is not good in some of these business circles . You need to have someone else with you , you need to have a significant other , because they feel like if you can't hold a relationship , especially not on the long term , then why would they do business with you long term , like it ?
Speaker 2becomes kind of like a qualifier .
Speaker 1It's interesting because I feel like that can lead to a lot of people being deceived . If you're looking at these things that don't necessarily have factual correlations and they're just correlations in your head , then that leads to you being able to be deceived in that way . That's why people can dress a certain way and deceive people right . That's why people can look the part and deceive you because you are drawing a correlation that's not really there . You know the business correlation is going to be value proposition . You know , either the value proposition is good or it's not . The value proposition has nothing to do with who you're dating , who you're married to you see what I'm saying it can .
Speaker 2That's why you see so many people saying these relationships when other one's cheating , doing all this crazy stuff but money is on the line .
Speaker 1Is that a cheaper to keep her ? Is that a cheaper to keep her type situation or a cheaper to keep him type situation ?
Speaker 2Yeah , I feel like that plays a role , because it's not just financial when you're saying cheap to keep him , it's also status-wise , it's also social clout . It carries weight and when you're ostracized from that because you divorced or split or whatever , it can be an issue .
Speaker 1That's interesting , so like in order to stay in there , yeah .
Speaker 1Do you feel like people are so in tune to that ? Because I think a lot of times , when it comes to people and the public in general , people are kind of like they have tunnel vision for their own lives , lots of them not even paying attention to your life , like that . You know what I mean . And I feel like a lot of people put a big emphasis on the , on the public's interest , like as if the public is interested in you that much . When the public is not all the way paying attention To you . Maybe they , maybe they see you with an attractive woman and think like , hey , this is a guy who's got it all together . Maybe , but that's why I was a person themselves .
Speaker 2It depends on your , your friend group . So the big thing right now is being like on , take up , they have their , their whole friend groups and stuff . So I feel like in order to fit in certain friend groups , you have to be a certain way and have certain things . So you know , if you end up losing those things , because Whatever circumstances it you can be , you can be on the outs . Nobody wants , everybody wants to be included . So it's not necessarily that like societal , like you're gonna be I , nobody's really paying attention to you , all kind of stuff . It's more so the people that I'm already in with I don't want to be on the out , I want to be included , I want to , I want to be a part of the bigger group or have these kind of things . It's almost like when people say like , oh , like you're a certain age , you should have these things , or this kind of milestone , or why don't you have kids when you're married ? All this other stuff . The same thing .
Speaker 1I . I Feel like it's . It's rough for people who pay a ton of attention to these societal pressures because I Haven't . I mean , I'm pretty popular in my circles and I put in zero effort , put in no , zero effort . I could just not .
Speaker 2But personality , isn't it maybe ?
Speaker 1I guess I mean because it's a situation where I Don't know how people care about these things . I don't . That's why my social media is so horrible , like I have no clue how people care about what strangers think , because it's like if you , if you're not here when those bills are , if you're not putting anything on these bills , you're not here in these tough times . Why do I care about what you think otherwise , like you're , you're not really a factor in my life like that . So your perspective you're the anarchy factor .
Speaker 2You're not the norm . That's my wish me is so big . You see , these influences , I've got millions of people follow them . That's not that's not for no reason . It's not out of the blue , they're influenced .
Speaker 1Well , you saw the one AI influencer right . That was like an . Ai blind blonde woman . Hey , I very real . He had like mad followers . She's not even a person , his imagination and she had a lot more followers than real human beings walking this earth .
Speaker 2And I bet you she had a certain way because people expected a certain thing out of her . So it's like yo .
Speaker 1From a guy stand for my other tractor standpoint . Of course it's got me super official standpoint like hey , I'll cook . I don't mind seeing her pop up on my feet every now and then . You know she's attractive . But I don't think there's any substance to that . You can't you can't have You're never gonna meet this human being because they're not real .
Speaker 2It's no different than your favorite celebrity . Like they have a whole idea of who this person is , what they stand for , your favorite actor or act literally the same thing they have . They made a whole narrative in their head about what this person stands for , who they are , how they'll interact with me . If they'll See me one time at a concert will lock eyes and they'll be so into me .
Speaker 1We'll follow right , I might pull you up on stage and everything . I'll just go ahead and ride off into the sunset .
Speaker 2Yeah , all I had to do by the album when we're this out , that is very real , oh that is hilarious . And me being who I am , I'm like I don't understand it , but I know it's there and I get it Especially working in like sales and leasing and everything else .
Speaker 1I'm sure it's like attractive sales departments there . So we're gonna go down our list because we have about rough almost another 10 or 15 minutes . We're gonna our list real quick . We do like a rapid-fire situation . So we're gonna do like is it superficial , worry to talk about the race and Did you go superficial or do we go just preference on that ? Prefer you particular ? It's a preference , but it's not like a deal breaker . And how do you feel like that is for other people ? I guess because you feel that way about black men , I guess imagine you wouldn't feel negative about other people having that same perspective , about Only dating one race or not dating specific races and stuff like that you don't like that's just a racist situation . That's just a preference .
Speaker 2I feel like it depends , when it arises to a level to where you're putting down others because of it , like if your preference Also requires you to be like I can't stand this other stuff , or you know , literally like a visceral reaction .
Speaker 2Like you , I Think it's wrong . I don't think that's right . Like I , I prefer not to eat rice , but I eat it sometimes . You know it goes hand-in-hand with sushi . So I feel like when it gets to the point where it's like I'm putting down all Asian food because I don't like rice , or all Indian food or African food because I don't like rice , like it doesn't make any sense , especially when what you're saying is detrimental to people because it's it's degrading and the people see you doing this and it just doesn't
Discussing Preferences and Deal Breakers
Speaker 2make sense .
Speaker 2Like why and then also you're , you're creating such a broad stroke over a whole area of people or personalities or anything like that Like why would you count all of them out ? Because then it's like not all the same , everybody is different , everybody has different nuances , quarks , all kind of stuff up bringing that play a role to who they are as a person . So you would rather not even get a chance to experience All these mini characters and the way these different attributes can combine and become somebody like you're . Like now , I want to give that a chance . I just don't like it . No , done .
Speaker 1That's very interesting . I'm very interesting and I totally , I totally agree with their over generalizations . I'm not , I can't stand that . Now , this was a little more interesting . We're about religion a little more interesting , right ? Because it can be a deal breaker for a lot of people , whether it's Jewish or Muslim or Christian or wherever , whatever it may be . Do you feel that is it's a preference or is that kind of like a legit I so to speak .
Speaker 2I have mixed feelings on that too , because , although I would like somebody to align with my beliefs , just because this makes it Once again , it just sets a standard for how how we're gonna continue our lives together . I think it also gets more complicated when you have Children or family members that are in the mix as well , that feel like you be performing certain traditions , rituals and things like that . It can be incredibly complicated . So I feel like when you don't fully understand how your religion plays a role in your life or you don't have your own , you're not firm in your religion or in the other person that you're . You're wanting to partner with they . You guys don't explore that together , how you're , how your religion fit together , pretty much because if you have kids , it's like who's who's religion your kids gonna have right , yeah .
Speaker 2And then now your kids are in the middle and then it's like or if mom and dad , your parents , want them to be a certain way , or they want this to happen at this age because it's how it's supposed to be , or it becomes up , you're break kids , going to hell because they don't believe this way . You know it can be right very , very hard to navigate .
Speaker 2So I feel like you need to Definitely explore that before you guys go to the next level in your relationship or want to pursue that , because if you don't have a good Understanding of how these things are gonna affect you long term and I feel like you're you're doing a disservice to each other . But I feel like that's the same thing with going and having Interracial marriage or having a religion or or other other purposes that people have or other Things that they are standards that they have . I feel like you're not open and honest with that beforehand and truly communicating and thinking about how this is gonna affect us long term in our relationship , then it what's the point you're just playing around here's gonna cause more problems in the long run .
Speaker 1Okay , I mean , I'm very open . I'm an open person , though man I am all . It's because I , because of this next one , I'm gonna ask them . I've been had a lot of experiences in different types of experiences . I don't know if I've ever dated anybody that was Muslim , I don't think a few different religions , but I do think that there is legit legitimacy to discussing this one , in particular because of what you said before , like what do we do on certain days ? Maybe you go on Sunday , maybe we go Saturday , like when there's a lot of things that would need to be discussed from religious standpoint .
Speaker 1Now , this one is similar to race , but they're not exactly the same , and this is could be culture or nationality , because we know you can be black , brown , white in all and a lot of different cultures and nationalities . So this one is one that's been amazing for me is Dating women from different cultures been absolutely eye-opening . Amazing for me , because you get such a this , you can read about another culture and stuff like that , but it's very different when you're with somebody from that culture and you're seeing , you're living that culture , right . It's very , very different situation . So I Think this is maybe just a preference , but you may have people .
Speaker 1I can see this in and I'm gonna use the Ukraine Russian thing as an example here Because of the conflict that that exists here right now with Ukraine and Russia . So I could see maybe somebody not wanting to be with somebody . If you're Ukrainian , I could see you not one to be with somebody's Russian , especially right now , just due to everything's not to say that that person Sympathizes with Russia is not to say that person believes because there's up there , just because you're Russian doesn't mean you sympathize with what Putin and what's going on yeah country you know what I mean .
Speaker 1We know that from just being in the United States . Right Like yeah . I agree with everything that's going on in your country , but I but I would get it . You know what I mean . It'd be a . It'd be a get if you're just like hey , for right now at least , now , I'm just not gonna date anybody from that particular culture . Do you fight ? This is something that is more superficial or legitimate preference there .
Speaker 2I Feel like it's more superficial a little bit , because it goes back to what you said , like you can't put the weight of the whole nation's decisions on somebody . But I feel like it's something that you personally can't get past and you will look at this person a certain way . It'll cause Not necessarily envy , but like animosity is it like resentment , so to speak ?
Speaker 2yeah , yeah , some resentment . I think that that's since your mate . You're grown enough to make that Known beforehand . I think that's acceptable . I feel like if you were to go into that relationship and they may be like , oh , I can't really do this because of this , or you start treating that person a certain way and they're like what's going on ? Like you were totally and you love bombing me . Before we are great and now it's an issue . I want you to change who you are as a person now , because I can't deal with it . I think that's why it rises the level of a red flag .
Speaker 1Okay , so then let's go to . We're down to like the last three year
Superficiality vs. Legitimate Preferences in Attraction
Speaker 1. Let's go to Wait . This is wait is always a big one , because people have what they like . Some people like bigger women , some people like smaller women , some people like bigger guys , some people like smaller guys . We were like big guys , muscle guys , and I've been it . Someone who don't like that muscle no , that big muscle look . Is this superficial or a legitimate preference ?
Speaker 2I feel as though it's superficial . Wow , a little bit is , because if You're looking at is this person can't change from what they were when you first met them , it's , it's superficial . But if you're looking at it as , like you know , I just want you to be fit and healthy , I can , I can roll with that , because who doesn't ?
Speaker 1I want my partner Would date any any guy of any weight like . Do you feel like you would do that ?
Speaker 2Uh , it depends . I'm not necessarily attracted to bigger guys , but it depends on how big that that is .
Speaker 1If they're not healthy . That's where I'm kind of here with the , with the legitimate preference . I think it's more your attraction , your attraction , right .
Speaker 2But if they're not healthy , I don't want anything to do with it , because you don't . If you can't take care of you , how do you take care of me ? And that's it so like being like a stockier guy . Now , fine , personalities . On point , I'm here More to live . Throw me up , I Know . I mean I would like for them not to be skinnier than me . I'm just like you look hungry and I don't feel like yo .
Speaker 1You gotta find the eat the eat a sandwich crowd there . So You're somewhere in between here and you know . So you went superficial on this , I'm gonna , I would go legitimate preference on these . Oh well , on these last three , all three , and then you can kind of just give me what your perspective is on the last two , because I believe , like that feeling of attraction that you may get , it's like a feeling right to know . Like it , you know how you may , and especially in the world of like online dating , you might have some people that date in their their writing and not even online dating , long distance dating , right , like people can date somebody long distance for a very long time and they call it that spark , but when you meet them it's not that spark , it's just not it's just not there , right .
Speaker 1So it's kind of like is that being superficial or is that just a spark ? Is legit not there .
Speaker 2Oh , because I feel like , because do long , I've done long distance relationships and I feel like the person that you make up in your head and the person that might be in front of you when you actually meet them Can be two different people .
Speaker 1So I can do your man size right on that front end right .
Speaker 2Yeah , and when you're actually in the same room , you're like you , you pick up on things . You know what is things about this person that you can't see through the camera or on the phone . So of course it would change . You'd be like . You know I'm not actually into you , but I feel like attracting itself , I Traction itself it . I feel like it's kind of superficial because you can , it can come and go . I feel like desire matters more than attraction . Attraction gets you in the door .
Speaker 1It gets you to each other . Are they , like , related to each other to a certain degree ?
Speaker 2There is a relation , but I feel like desires more long-term It'll , it'll , it'll . Last years I can desire this person , you know , and people go after war and they come back like I still won't .
Speaker 1you , babe , dear John , letters like that was this oh , that that's interesting because I would one like , I feel like , if you're maintaining the first thing , like so if we were saying like , let's say that . And me personally I have not when it comes to the wait situation , I prefer in the middle and actually more like I would prefer heavier than lighter , to be honest with you , but at the same time I don't , I Can't say I think for the long-term situation , because in the beginning you have such the Honeymoon effect , the nail there in that beginning that's gonna get you through a lot at honeymoon effects .
Speaker 1I'm sure you do a lot of stuff , man , and then , when that honeymoon effect starts to weigh off , if you went against what your natural preference is and Then you keep going out into the world and you see in that preference over and , over and over again , I think it's gonna wear away at you at a certain point . I don't think that it's the Indulge it all be at all , because I'm we're not talking , I'm talking about it . Personalities are good here I'm not necessarily gonna talk about , because we know there can be a wide range of these outcomes based on personality , right ? So for sure I'm not gonna . I'm talking as if the personalities are good and you're just kind of looking at the , these other things that may have attracted to you , to the person to begin with , you know , may attract you to walk up to that person or that person to walk up to you to begin with . So
Height and Hair Preferences in Relationships
Speaker 1that's it on weight . And what about the height ?
Speaker 2For me . I think it's more the height matters .
Speaker 1I .
Speaker 2Would say legitimate .
Speaker 1Not legitimate on the way , but legitimate on the height because the way place world and you're being healthy .
Speaker 2A height necessarily doesn't .
Speaker 1I mean , some people are like running stuff , they're just big bone people like some people .
Speaker 2I'm saying if you're healthy , I'm fine with that .
Speaker 1You can be healthy , it doesn't matter if you're , if the person is actually healthy , because they are healthy , yeah , who just like just no bigger people ?
Speaker 2Yeah , there's been what I call it . Was it I found the skinny fat ? Or like your skinny person , but you're not healthy .
Speaker 1Yeah , absolutely for sure .
Speaker 2I it comes from all directions for that stuff , but I feel as a height only reason why I would say a height is not superficial , because the mentality plays a role and , being a taller woman , I find that a lot of times when I'm with a shorter guy . It's an issue , it's very taller woman .
Speaker 1Are you like six , three or you like basketball ?
Speaker 2player status .
Speaker 1Okay , so then , what is the minimum then ? Danelle , minimum of height , you lower that you would go .
Speaker 2I would do , I height .
Speaker 1I gotta . So this other guy has to be at least six feet himself .
Speaker 2Yes , because I find most of the ones who are six feet or over . They don't have the same kind of mental hardships with me being tall .
Speaker 1Wow , mental hardships .
Speaker 2It almost is , because it comes a lot of attention . A lot of them aren't used to that or aren't ready for that . They see the height difference and they're just like , oh , little man , you're going to get a lot of jokes , a lot of jabs .
Speaker 1and because I'm with them , it takes a very secure guy right .
Speaker 2Yeah , I think that's what I'm trying to get at Like . I find when they're shorter than me , it tends to be a lot of insecurities that come along with me being taller . Then they have a lot of requirements as far as I don't want you to wear heels and all this other stuff .
Speaker 1Oh yeah , man , I mean me personally . I'm 5'9" , 6'5" , 3 to 4 inch heels . You disappeared on me .
Speaker 2Yeah , pretty much . I'm looking at the head like I can literally put my chin like . But yo .
Speaker 1Denel , is this a situation that a lot of guys some guys are more secure than others , though you know what I mean . There's some guys I have friends who date taller women and they're very secure . They're not . You know , they're not .
Speaker 2I haven't yet to find one that is . I'm fine with that . I can do a short keying , so is it ?
Speaker 1just , is it so for you in particular , denel ? It comes down to the security standpoint . Like the insecure which I find , like a lot of women don't like in any perspective , by the way , like that insecurity tends to be a turnoff across the board , across a bunch of different spectrums . You know what I mean . All right , so now this was kind of a little bit different , because we talked about this before and we talked about this people having preferences for , like , hair type , where the dread , the fade , the whatever a woman might have a perspective for or a preference for for a guy's hair type and vice versa . So I would say that hair maybe in general , if we're talking about hair type , length type , color , stuff of that nature , so the color can change right , can't you ? You can change your hair color if you wanted to . But if somebody does change it , let's say that you meet the guys got the dreads and there's no regular dreads , and then you pops up two weeks later he's got the purple , hot top fade . How do you feel about it ?
Speaker 2Hair is like so pretty and it can be changed , and that's that's pretty much how I feel it . It I changed mine . Do you feel like you didn't grow those dreads ? How long is it ?
Speaker 1going to take when the dreaded grows those dreads back .
Speaker 2It's going to be a minute you talk about you didn't ? No , it's going to be a minute . They got a dread . Now you see them again . Yo , you want to . You want to be this much . Extensions is what you're telling them now . Can you do extensions ? You asked me that . You asked me that . You asked me that . You asked me that . You asked me that .
Speaker 1Do you do and be right back at the game . So yo , you're anything to know . You pop it because I'm going to have some require . You didn't pop enough . I'm not anything .
Speaker 2I'm not anything I don't . I prefer not to have dreads I I like them on people , just not on the people I'm with . Yikes , I prefer I prefer fade , but that's for a different reason .
Speaker 1So so you wouldn't if the dreads so let's say those fake dreads did show up , this didn't . You're going to be like yo take those dreads off . Like , are you going to be like yo ? You got to rock with it .
Speaker 2I would not be enthused . But if you get them done in there , uh , you have the upkeep for it , Do you know it's not going to change . I'm like , uh , no , I don't want you , no more .
Speaker 1So it's not going to matter a lot to your personal attraction level . So you feel like that is more superficial than you'd put that than legitimate preference .
Speaker 2I would say it's more superficial because , like I said , it's hair is an accessory , you can change it , I can wear different wigs , all that stuff , Cause you can get the people who are like , oh no , I don't want you , you know so wins , no , none of that stuff . Blah , blah , blah . I was like bro . Sometimes you even tell he ain't got a clue .
Speaker 1Wow , goodness gracious , I personally like certain things . Well , no , I like certain types of hair styles , like , so it's . When it comes to that , like I'm not a one style guy , I'll tell you that I'm not like I'm not married to . Like it's gotta be , I gotta . I'm not pulling the ruler out and stuff like that . That's , that's ridiculous . You're not going to bobbin it . No , I'm not . I'm not going to be that guy . But at the same time , I think that , just like you can have that spark . We talked about the things that may attract and now there's things that unattract people Like it is possible , it is , it is out there . I don't know if sugarcoating that makes things better . Like to act like that . It's just not a thing . Like attraction is not a thing , just the way attraction is . You know what I mean .
Speaker 1Like there's just you want to take anything , right ? I don't want somebody and and this is not we're taking out all of the medical situations here that may cause any issues Right ? So somebody breaks their leg and you want people who can walk when they break their leg , then okay . And then if you're okay with people who may go through , uh , cancer treatments and stuff of that nature , I believe that you're . It's kind of a jerk move .
Speaker 2Are you saying no to girls or things ? I'm out of here . Are you saying no to girls or things ? No , no , no , not for me .
Speaker 1I don't want us to be able to go , if we can go , both beginning , shaped up at the same time . I don't , I don't , I don't . It's not for me , it's not for me , but at the same time I've seen him like that's . That's a nice look , a woman , you know what . I mean yeah , and I don't think that that woman should care what anybody else's thinks to eat it .
Speaker 2So you see , what I'm saying .
Speaker 1It's a situation where my specific preference is my specific preference , but I believe that about every human being though Everybody's you know what I mean I think you're entitled to that . You're entitled to live the life . If you want your high top , go get your high top . Hey , forget what any dude saying . You know that's inclusive of myself . Forget it what anybody's saying , um , but I do believe that if you have an object desire and you want that specific person , you might want to tune into what they attracts them Like . I don't think that's crazy .
Speaker 2No , I agree , no , no , I agree with that because I feel I , as a woman , like , I want to be attracted to the , to the man that I'm with .
Speaker 1So of course .
Speaker 2I'm going to . I'm going to hear what he wants . So I'm going to hear about , like , what preferences he has or what he , what he doesn't , doesn't like , and I will most likely go along with that because it doesn't matter to me , it is what it is , it doesn't bother me . It's not like he's asking me to go under , like undertake surgery or anything .
Speaker 1That's what I'm ridiculous , you know . You guys out there who are like that to know tell you I need you go get shaped up , I need you , I need you to go see somebody .
Speaker 2He doesn't send me recommendations for a doctor , like no , we're not doing that .
Speaker 1I know you see that out there in LA .
Speaker 2But if he was like , no , I know you see that out there . If he was like sometimes I like you , I like them . Sweats with a , with a messy bun , I'll rock that . I want it because you want to be attracted to the person with you with . So I don't . I don't have a problem with that , but when it gets to the point where it's like you , I either you got to wear this all the time or you got to look at this all the time .
Speaker 2or , you know , maybe they're going through something and , like they , they fall out of that , or for a moment , or whatever . Or it's something like I genuinely don't like this . Please don't make me do these things . Like you would hope that they would be able to change their preference to find something different , like there's such a variety in in things that you could be attracted to , like find something else .
Speaker 1Is there . Is that , then , room for conversation , cause some people that's an undercomfortable conversation to have and I feel like me personally , I definitely feel like you should have every conversation in relationships If it's on your mind , other person doesn't owe you mind reading . You know you should let them know this is how you feel about a situation they didn't see if hopefully it could get worked out , because you never know if it can right , and sometimes people what they end up doing is going and finding that other person and they never talked to them about the , the high top eight or the dreads . They never had that conversation . They never talked to them about cutting their hair to a certain length . Or maybe you're a person who likes blondes and then maybe they come back , they've died in a different color . Maybe your person doesn't like blondes . They've come back and they've died at blonde . You see what I'm saying . Like there's a lot of different types of things of these natures that can be definitely superficial , but I believe you're owed that a little bit .
Speaker 1When it comes to nobody has to date every human being , like nobody has to be attracted to every human being for for a PC purpose Cause I believe . I think it's more politically correct to say that that's what you would do . Right To not really eliminate anybody . Anyone can get it . Somebody's going to get mad on that other . You know what I mean . So , but I think that even that person doesn't date every person and that's what I had to tell my friends . I'm like well , you might say this about different cultures and everything but you that they don't date everybody themselves . They have people they've curved . I'm like , how did you think they felt when you curve them ? Like so I think sometimes people look at these things and feel like they don't want to hurt somebody's feelings , so they don't say nothing about them , but then they go out when they're caught on a cheater . You're watching show cheaters . I'm going through a cheaters page right now and I've been watching . I've been watching cheaters .
Speaker 2But a rabbit hole .
Speaker 1I'm a lot , I have it on YouTube and it's quite a bit for anybody who wants to get out there and watch us nightly . Watch you here the last couple of weeks here .
Speaker 2But I feel like it goes back to being flexible within that too , like , if you're , if you want , there's no room for compromise and the why are you going to have a relationship ? You got to be room . Like , say , I like blond , like she's , she dyed her hair red . I'm like , well , can you do a strawberry blonde babe ? Like find a middle ground .
Speaker 1How do we work our way back to ?
Speaker 2I mean , you might find out that you had something that you liked , that you didn't know they might surprise you with a look and you're like oh yes , I'm good with this Like experiment finding . I feel like that . I go back to what you were saying Communication is key . I feel like you should definitely talk about those things . So some people will literally move on to the next relationship and not even get that other one a chance . That is making me think it's like up and late , like 100% .
Speaker 1I'm going to leave there because I can't say anything better than that
Winds, Podcasts, and Future Shows
Speaker 1. Danelle , I appreciate you taking some time out here .
Speaker 2No , thank you for having me . I'm going to go . Uh , maybe swim for a little bit . Try not to get blown away by the winds . Hopefully my internet stays . I've already downloaded most of Netflix . I'm good .
Speaker 1Well , well , well , hopefully we'll see on future shows if Danelle has been swept away or if she is back , which I'm pretty sure . I'm hoping that she will be back and definitely appreciate her taking some time out here this Reggie Natio , check us out to try her radio Google podcast , apple podcast , spotify , wherever you find your podcast . See you next time . So what's going on there now ? Like are you , like is it ? Is it picking up ?