Reg in AtL
Reg in AtL
Tackling the Red and Yellow Flags in Your Relationship
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In this episode Reggie and Dannielle dive into red and yellow flags. We talk about how factors like age can influence your tolerance levels, and how failing to address yellow flags can escalate into deal-breaking red flags. We're also unwrapping the importance of communication in recognizing and addressing these flags.
Dating Red Flags and Yellow Flags
Speaker 1It's Reginald ATL , coming to you from the lovely city of Atlanta , georgia , going out to what I assume I guess is a sunny city of Los Angeles to know .
Speaker 2How's it going ? Very , very safe assumption . I like that . Let's keep that going .
Speaker 1We could just repeat that over , and over and over again .
Speaker 1We survived the first , you know , the last show we did . We were talking about , like , I guess , like deal breakers and stuff like that , and we're kind of there too . We're going to talk about red flags here , which I'm pretty sure you have more of them than I do . I don't know if women in general have more red flags than men . The red flags are you like ? If so , if you're a straight man , the red flag is a lot of times just you not being a woman , and then , once you've cleared that hurdle , we're through most of our red flags there . You know what I mean .
Speaker 1Like especially depending on how much interaction there's going to be , which I do have a question about too . So let's start on this . With red flags in general , they're very hard to prepare for because they are so subjective to know , right Like they are . So , depending on each individual , one person red flag , we're like he ate chicken wings with his hands , and I just don't like it .
Speaker 1And then one might be like he ate chicken wings with a fork and I just can't take that . Like you know , it's like it's a different situation for different people . So how do you prepare for that ? Like , how does a person ? Because you know there's a lot of things that you can do better to get your dating life better or your romantic life better . Right , you can dress better . You can just practice . I tell people all the time with any kind of social situation , practice makes perfect . You know , if you're just practicing a lot and that will make you better at something , but this is not something that you can necessarily practice for right .
Speaker 2No , and I feel like we have to tell the difference between yellow flag and red flag , because I feel like yellow flag , yellow flag .
Speaker 1Interesting that you don't like .
Speaker 2Red flag is like run away , I won't talk to you anymore , type stuff . That's what I see . I feel like , oh , like he choose with his mouth open , that's a yellow flag Like you could probably deal , or you guys didn't tell him to close his mouth , or ?
Speaker 2maybe nobody told him his whole life . You know you're the one to let him know . Um , that's the yellow flag . Like a red flag is like you . He chooses an album . He told him to keep it closed and he just like spits the food at you or something . That's a red flag . Like yeah , that's a bit extreme there , or actually the anger that he has when you tell him to maybe close his mouth . That could be an issue . Um , I would look at it that way .
Speaker 1So what's interesting here is the yellow flag versus red flag . I've never looked at it . So the green flag , I guess , is all good , the yellow flag is maybe you could work with it and the red flag is absolutely not .
Speaker 2Basically , yeah , pretty much like . This is the no go . We don't need to talk anymore , we're done .
Speaker 1So have you had it ? What are your ? What have you seen on the yellow flag situation from you that you've just like your real world experience ? You don't have to like call them out , but like your situation that you've seen , that you felt you could deal with , and then did it get better , like did it turn into a red flag later .
Speaker 2Okay , so one instance would be he brushed his teeth with my toothbrush .
Speaker 1Okay , well , no , no , no , no , no no no , no , that is a red flag off top . That is a red flag off top . I mean where you at Whose house were where . What was this ? How did this occur ?
Speaker 2That's what I'm saying . He came over at my house I don't know if he didn't want to ask for one , or God is whatever but at first I was like , oh , let's use this one because you know , like you know , we're already getting it in , so that's not too far of a reach to use our toothbrush For me . I was like you are disgusting .
Speaker 1And no , don't do that . Not the person I thought you were .
Speaker 2Yeah , and I'm of course not going to use that after you like no good . For when I can , like I can get you another toothbrush , or like we have multiples , like we make this work for me , that I would say first time yellow flag , like hey , don't use my stuff like that , that's gross . But if you do it again , no , no nasty . I know we do other things , but I don't want your like your tooth , like your .
Speaker 1That is gross , that is nasty .
Speaker 2You're talking to me .
Speaker 1Oh yeah . So how did you know he ? Did you walk in ?
Speaker 2I happened to walk in and I was like is that what we're saying ? We ?
Speaker 1gotta have it right . Then , though we gotta have . We're not putting this conversation . What about that ? I just got to know . So did you say it right then , or did you like walk back out and compose yourself ? What did you do ?
Speaker 2It was a shock . I had to say something . Then I walked in and I like you know you look through , you have your stuff in a certain way , like I have my bathroom set up anyways , you know it's easy , quick , efficient , whatever . And I look over , I'm like it's not in its normal place and I see him brushing and I'm like oh , no , it's not really like a slow motion . We're like oh no , this is not real .
Speaker 1Because that cannot be actually happening . It cannot be actually happening .
Speaker 2So you have an inner monologue . And then it just came out like is that my toothbrush ? And he was like oh yeah , like I didn't have one .
Speaker 1So I was like so that was your option , like that's , that's , that's where you , that's where you decided to go .
Speaker 2And I was like oh , like , I hope you don't give you done that to other people , other people . Where did you learn this ? From who ?
Speaker 1are you ?
Speaker 2with before , Were they just like oh , now we're so close Like we'll share it .
Speaker 1How long had y'all been like together ? Or was it even a person that you were just maybe just smashing , or the person that you were actually like , dating and like ?
Speaker 2we were , we were together . So I don't know , maybe that's why I thought I was like oh yeah , we're cool , we're together , we're never that together . I'll tell you that I don't like sharing my words . I don't even want you reaching over with your fork on my plate , damn near .
Speaker 1You know what I mean . Like I feel a certain way . I don't I don't feel all the way about that , but I do feel away about it . You know what I mean . So what do you think I would feel about this ? Like this is . This is horrible . Ladies and gentlemen , toothbrush is not toilet paper Like you're not going to be over here , like just sharing it . This is it's not communal Like with .
Speaker 2now I have to share my toothpaste , but you can't can't share my toothbrush .
Speaker 1Goodness gracious , that would be absolutely . You talked about disaster , disaster . You know what I mean , and I have some crazy yellow and red flags . Oh , tell me I do think this one is absolute red flags . That's because I don't like it .
Speaker 1I don't like it I won't be able to look at . I won't be able to look at things the same way . So they're like the , the yellow flags , and this is going to sound . It's crazy because whenever we do these episodes here to know , I always come like , sounding like some kind of like . I don't want to say that I don't . I don't know if it's like . I'm not superficial , but at the same time , I just have my preferences and sometimes they come off as superficial when you say them and you just express them .
Speaker 1Yeah superficial tendencies . Yeah , right , right , I have superficial leanings .
Speaker 2I like that .
Speaker 1It's kind of like but but I'm not all the way superficial . I understand that these things aren't okay , so for one here and it's going to sound crazy . But nails , okay Nails . I don't like when women and this has been something . I've not been able to shake this . I've been like this like all my life . Okay , I would like I call it like the island of nail polish .
Speaker 2When you look at women nailed .
Speaker 1When you look at a woman's nail and the nail polish is disintegrated off of her nails , like she has for some reason , refusing to take it off and fighting to keep it on , like , and it's just like getting smaller and smaller by the day and it's kind of like . So , basically , the nail polish is like the island in the middle of the nail and the nail is the ocean . And when you're looking at it and you're like why don't you just give it ? Just just you want it all three months .
Speaker 1It's been 90 days . Please take it off , like , like , and I know it's so with me . I'm so much a live and let live person , didn't know . I've told you this before . We've had other conversations like , I'm not going to try to change a person , but these are things I would definitely look at for a person that , if I was you would hand her no polish remover and a cotton ball .
Speaker 1Listen , listen , I . These are things that when people are dating and they're checking for certain things , this is one of the things I'm checking for , like , I'm checking for it on multiple , multiple dates . Like , if you're coming off this offer on , that's my , that's my pet peeve offer on , you know what I mean .
Speaker 2Okay . So nail polish , okay . But what about like having fake nails or whatever your ? If you have gel nails , acrylic or whatever , yo , if the joints is growing out if the growing out don't get to get your cuticle game together .
Speaker 1Don't think I'm not hip to it . You know what I mean . I know I am hip to it and I see it . You know what I mean . And it's kind of like a little growth , okay , but I feel like you could have got ahead of that . Yeah , like half your nails showing . I got ahead of that .
Speaker 2My nails grow fast .
Speaker 1I'm just saying this is that's just a situation , that , and then like so and this is I'm not . You know , it's funny because I had a conversation with somebody about feet yesterday Because I was doing an event yesterday where a guy , one of my co workers , had said that one of the people that were at the event was an only fans person . And we were like and they asked a person like how do you know they're only fans person ? He's like , because I'm a subscriber and I and I know that's her and in which she specializes in is naked feet pics . And I said naked feet pics , what is a naked feet pic ?
Speaker 1And I had another , so was a mixture , so it was me , it's a couple guys and a female coworker . We're kind of all just kind of talking . She's like yeah , man , like you know , there's a , there's a movement out there called no feet for free . It's going on out there on social media no free , no , no free feet pics . And they're like taking full body pics and like blur , like blurring out their feet or like cutting off the picture at the bottom , and I'm like is this really good ?
Speaker 1money , I do not know , I mean I guess . So I mean you get your feet game together and you might change your life . And evidently that's what he said about . He's like you know , that's what she specializes in . I guess she's naked and then she's on her feet , which I feel like it's like an accessory of you being naked . Of course your feet are showing , your feet are showing when your clothes . A lot of times this goes like they're called like sandals , but but it's , it's . I guess some people are really have this fetish . So with me I don't have like a foot fetish , but I do like nice looking feet . They cannot be busted Like .
Red Flags in Relationships
Speaker 1There was a scene and this is going to like for pieces of all we back in the day is called Boomerang , eddie Murphy , great , great classic movie . If you're able , john Witherspoon , eddie Murphy , go back and watch it . It's a movie called Boomerang and there's a scene of remembering correctly the scene in the movie . I'm not , I'm kind of forgetting . I'm not sure if it was Eddie Murphy who was in the scene , but a guy , he sleeps with a woman and then he , I guess in middle of the night , like he like pulls the sheet up to like look at her feet and they were like busted , busted , looking , and that's the kind of stuff right there that I remember my life that's . That's a red flag . That was both of them . Both of them are kind of like red flags To be honest , they're like on you , they're a little no , if you look like you can like like climb a tree barefoot , no problem .
Speaker 1I'm not the guy for you . You know you're not dating like a dancer . Valerie is high style Because they're going to have some like sports and stuff like that , and you're like athletes feet and I'm not talking about athletes feet , I mean an athlete's foot , like if you , if that's what you have and if you're all busted , I mean .
Speaker 2I applaud your dedication to your job .
Speaker 1You know what I mean . That's a very I mean maybe I'll come see you , you know play or something like that , but it's kind of like I don't know . We're not going to be together . No , and the socks is a no go . I'm going to need to see it , you're not .
Speaker 2Oh , you won't .
Speaker 1You're not bullying me , man . It happened with one person , but it's like it's . You're not . No , you're not fully me here . I'm going to need to at least see them every now and then you know what I mean . Just so I can know what I'm getting into . Because it's it , that's the situation , that it doesn't . It's not like I want to , because you know some people . Then they'll they have like foot fetishes , like they want to touch them , they want to massage them , they're all kinds of like . In that I'm not in it any that .
Speaker 2So that would be perfect .
Speaker 1It's gonna be like Visually okay , yeah , like right like just visually I okay , like they're not necessary , like I'm not like measuring inch , like hey , you're , your big toe was about an inch shorter than your other toes , like what it was going on here , like it's not , it's not like that , it's just a situation where I just want them like nice and in the same situation with them with the nail polish . It's the same situation , like either on or off , you know , I mean , that's not too crazy . I feel like that's like normal . You know . I mean , is that or does that sound wild ?
Speaker 2No , it doesn't sound wild and I could see like you're just like you have to have this certain type of nail style or you know the length and only this color and touch up twice a week .
Speaker 2You know that kind of stuff a little Little bit right but like you know , it's , it's whatever , like sort of the nail chipping . I can get that because that's it's really not too much to grab Some freaking nail polish and a cotton swab and just know real quick right across that month . So I can see that . But if you're doing like more , like acrylics and stuff , it could be pretty pricey to go and get that feeling there every once in a while .
Speaker 1You know what , man , I think I would have to put in on that ? Let me know where the budget shortfall is and I'll throw something on it . I .
Speaker 2Feel like you would , you would see it , and then you would send her like a cat or a freaking Venom and it's like Right , I just made an appointment for you .
Speaker 1You need to stop by here at three . They're gonna take you to sugar . She's gonna hook you up , don't worry about it . You know , I like already knows what I'm looking for . So yeah , you just .
Speaker 1So when we're talking about when we're talking about the red flags . We talked about a couple of Red and yellow flags on my side , and I'm pretty sure we might circle back to that at some point . What are your yellow flags ? Red flag situations ? Now , no one is it done ? That toothbrush situation is a black flag . By the way , I can give a oh .
Speaker 2I got one more red flag . I got one more red flag . I got a , I gotta add .
Speaker 1I gotta add this . This one I have to add because I have a story to it and I have to add it and it's gonna . This one sounds crazy to a lot of people , but you would not believe how many every woman I've been with I've just not been a problem . I do not like women passing gas in front of me . It's just gonna happen . It's not gonna happen like if that . If it happens , things just won't be the same , and I've tried to work it out . I've tried to work it out . I've actually been in this situation .
Speaker 2What does she have to do ? Go to the whole restroom , leave you and then no , I don't know .
Speaker 1I don't know what my exes have done , but you gotta do what they did . I'm not sure what the hell they did . Now I'm like like what I think when I have some really long relationships .
Speaker 1I'm not sure she didn't pass guys for 10 years around . I'm not sure . I'm not sure what she did . She did something and the thing is it happened to me and I was , um , it happened to me and I think this is before , I'm not sure this is before we were having sex Because it was happening , me and she was like that kid and I was that kid and I'm trying to , like , get her in the mood . I'm doing my thing , trying to get her in the mood . And , um , I remember like I don't know if it's just the way that we were laying , but she farted like on my left knee and I felt it . And I remember going . I remember going To work the next day , right , because she was like , oh , my bad , you know , I'm like all right , cool , I'm not listen , I'm not gonna ruin the moment , we're here now . We're here now . I'm not gonna ruin the moment . So we're kind of doing our thing . You know , whatever , we did our thing . And then I remember going to work the next day and being like , huh , I don't think this is gonna work out .
Speaker 1And I worked with a lot of women at that time and they were like what's going on ? What happened ? And I told them and they were like wow , that was just like yo listen . Um , I told her it was all good , but I know it's not all good because I cannot unfeel that On my knee and even now that was 11 years ago I still feel it . You know what I mean . I still know exactly where I was . I know exactly how it felt . You know what I mean . It's not like it smelled or anything . It was like a little big type thing and it was like , and I was , and she was like oops , my bad .
Speaker 2I'm dead , I can't .
Speaker 1And I remember thinking like it's all good , it's a human bodily function , like it's all good , but it's not all good .
Speaker 2Have you farted in front of your girlfriend ?
Speaker 1I try not to . I'm not over here like burping my name out and shit and like doing all kinds of crazy stuff like and like Inspecting her to be all prim and prist , like I try to like reciprocate that to a certain degree , um , but the thing is , if so , if it's a happening I was to hear it Maybe we get over it . If it's like silent , one .
Speaker 2What if you smell something ? It's over .
Speaker 1It is F and over , and I'm just telling you right now , like there , there is a problem , right there there's a problem right there . I can't unsmell that shit , and the thing is just like you can't touch up on you and you're like no .
Speaker 1Nope , because every time we smash or something , we think I'm gonna think about it and I'm gonna lose it . I'm gonna lose it . Like you know , I'm not gonna be able to Maintain a consistent situation If that was , if that was to happen , because you know , sometimes , especially if you're like Having a lot of sex with you in your relationship- yeah , like you're part of something like that , yeah .
Speaker 1I mean , wow , sometimes , sometimes your mind wanders and you know I might just be thinking about hey , well , you know , I'm not the game . You know what I mean , and if I cannot have that be one of the things in the rotation of mind , it will mess you up . It will mess me up because then it's instantly over , like it's over , like some things . I can catch it if I'm just thinking about hey , you know what I , I'm smashing into my hey , what I gotta do at work tomorrow and I kind of lose like no red .
Speaker 2You're really crazy , like you're in a moment .
Speaker 1Let's come back , let's turn back . I can get back on the road . I'm good to go , something like that . I'm off the road . I'm off road , not busted attire . I'm not gonna get back on the road .
Speaker 2Okay . So she's sweet and lets one . She doesn't know she's unconscious . So it's like can you , can you let that go ?
Speaker 1or she's just like I feel like I have to to a certain degree , but it better not smell like , like , because here's the thing about smells have you ever went someplace and then like a smell reminds you of a place like that ? Or a smell like a certain kind of perfume or cologne that reminds you of a person says smells a very powerful sense . It's one of the five senses , danelle . It's very powerful and it's kind of like it reminds you , like you can smell something like you maybe go on vacation , something you remember how it smells like , or an X , and you smell that Perfume or cologne later on in life . You know I can remind you instantly of that person . But that's the same thing for a , I guess , gonna remind you instantly of the situation .
Speaker 1It's gonna remind you of it . Lasting thing to remind you , um so , no , no , I can't use the restroom in your like she got to go .
Speaker 2Bad number two you gonna make her hold it .
Speaker 1You can't go on your way if you think that first it's a red flag , this is a burgundy flag . You know what I mean . You better not like . You better find a situation where you better listen . I , I told and and I and this is true story I told my because we had a situation where we're at these one restroom because we're at have other restroom was getting like worked on . So we had one restroom , we had to use it . And I told my girl said listen , if you go , I , there's a few things you need to do . You need to make sure that the runway is clear , like I cannot . The runway , yeah , I got to know Give me , give me , give me some range . Like you got to know give me 20 to 30 minutes . I need to know that this is your window of time . You got to go . I can know you're doing it , but I can't .
Speaker 2You don't want to , you want to get you done it . No evidence whatsoever , Right ?
Speaker 1So I was like yo , you need to get your spray together . Put a window . If you got to get your courtesy flush on , do whatever you got to do .
Speaker 2You're there , bested and poopery . I can see you , I don't . It is absolutely there .
Speaker 1It is absolutely there . Pupri is in the restroom , by the way , ladies and gentlemen , it's not a game .
Speaker 2What if it's accident ? Or like no , say she's , she might have ideas . So you're not going to date a girl .
Speaker 1I cannot know , like I can't have you go into restroom and making all kinds of noises in there and then thinking like it's all , like it's all good , because it is not . It's not going to be all good , I don't want you coming to blow . I remember one time I did that to somebody's restroom and I felt horrible , like I went in there and I destroyed it and I remember thinking like yo , I was trying to like make sure didn't stop up the toilet . I'm trying to make sure like everything's good , because I didn't really . We weren't really dating like that , it was more of like a fling , so I didn't really want it to be like that .
Speaker 1And this is the kind of situations I just can't have . Like I can't have , I can't have , lord forbid . Like I told her like listen , I want to just let you shoot the last and I'm doing everything I can to ensure that it will last a long time . And so I'm just telling you right ahead Now , this is just a thing that I that's like a super sub burgundy
Dealing With Red Flags
Speaker 1flag . It's more than the red sub burgundy red .
Speaker 2Oh , that's hilarious that I can't say that . I've said they're a rip one in front of a duke's note . Like who ? I don't . Personally , I don't want to be doing that anyway .
Speaker 1Right . First and foremost , I don't think I'm a tyrant . I feel like , first , what kind of human being just wants to be doing that in general , like , what are you doing ?
Speaker 2But I'm like you use the restroom and it's . I don't want to like leave streets behind , but that's regardless of anybody . I just don't want them like oh hey , look what you did , like no , so I will little . There's a scrubber there and I see something . I will scrub the toilet .
Speaker 1Yo , so how big . I mean , it's not every guy is like this , like , and I'm telling you right , this is one of the things that , where there are just preferences in life , like there are just preferences , and one of the worst things about this particular one ending with the nail one , whether it's a nail one or whether it's the passing gas going to the restroom . Like the women that I've dated in the past , it's not been an issue , except the one that farted on my knee and that didn't last long .
Speaker 1And the women in general , like it hasn't been an issue . So they're making it hard for you . You know what I mean . Like if you have what we dated and they've been you're , you've been with and it's never happened , it's kind of like I know it's possible and that's you know . Know it's possible .
Speaker 2It's , one day could happen , and I don't know man , I would say one of my red flags . I personally , I mean I don't , I'm not into weed and I don't really want someone else around me , I know it is so hard .
Speaker 1It was hard , but I just don't know . I don't want this .
Speaker 2Well , I think it's more so , like a lot of people that are around , like the reliance on weed itself , except like you're avoiding dealing with what the really issue is or whatever it's causing you to want to have to need to relax , type mentality . So I think that's what my main problem with that would be is that , like you're using as a crutch it's instead of dealing with the problems that's interesting .
Speaker 1That's interesting . And is that isolated to just weed Like it ? Can't that be like a lot of different ?
Speaker 2No , it's same . Yeah , it would be all of it . So mostly weeks I can't tell . I hate smell , but it's the same thing with alcohol or anything else .
Speaker 2If something's becoming more of like , this is what I do in order to relieve stress instead of actually dealing with whatever problem that's going on . Or it's more of like a trigger no , that's the red flag for me , like because I'd rather somebody who at least communicate or or let me know like hey , I'm going through something . Like I need some help with this , you know , especially if you want a long lasting relationship . I don't want them to be their first thoughts , like I'm going to just know self medicate this way instead of actually working things out .
Speaker 1So what ? What do you ? Because me , I don't think that's really unfair because I don't like smokers in general . I don't date smokers in general . If I was a day smoker , maybe I would date it . If we spoke before , I would date a cigarette smokers , but I think that I would prefer . Like your vape .
Speaker 2You need to get your vape game together , like I could do with that Water vapor pneumonia and it's like like the same with hookah or you know , I think they're almost all the same to me , where I'm just like , nah , I'm good .
Speaker 1So then , where ? Where is that ? That's on your , your red flags , and that's not like a yellow flag .
Speaker 2No , that's more of a , that's definitely red flags . I just can't . I literally can't stand it and I was like it's no , you do it , cool on you and do your thing or whatever , Just won't be with me .
Speaker 1So then you never dated a smoker , a person that's not I have , and that's why I don't like it .
Speaker 2No , that's the red smoker no , but a weed smoker , yeah , and I'm like , no , I'm good .
Speaker 1So then , what are your your ? Is that your biggest red ? Do you think that's your biggest red flag that you have ?
Speaker 2Yeah , because that literally eliminates a whole half of people Cause you were , I'm in California , it is , it is . Everybody does it out here .
Speaker 1Yes .
Speaker 2So just finding somebody who is not about that life , I'm like , uh , one day so what about the yellow flags then ?
Speaker 1Like , if that's your massive cause , cause , because I don't want this show to be like seven hours . I don't want to go through all the flags here . I'm not sure how many flags you have on your list there to know . Well , I would go for definitely your biggest flag , you said earlier , I've got a list .
Speaker 2No , I would say I'm being honest , it is . But uh , I would say yellow is somebody who drinks excessively , um , who doesn't know how to come like an alcoholic . Uh , I didn't even be staying like a step below that where it's like I don't want you to know alcoholic yeah .
Speaker 1First , that's not necessarily like hiding liquor and bottles or books and stuff like that , but people don't read books anymore , so people are running out of place to hide .
Speaker 2If they had one , that I'd be considered like . You have alcohol on there , don't you Right ?
Speaker 1I have a single book . That is the only book I've ever had .
Speaker 2I'm just saying what I carry on every time . I just love reading it all the time . Um , I would be yeah , definitely somebody who really can't have fun without drinking alcohol . Like , if there's anything and they're going to be out in this , even like remotely social , they're going to drink . And I'm like , if you don't know how to have fun without that , then why are we together ? Like cause you have to be tipsy every single time ?
Speaker 1No , that's interesting Cause I would think that myself a social drinker , but um cause , I can drink , but I'm not A person that is like waking up hitting a bottle , not the person that feels like every interaction with my , my girl , needs to be . I need to go take a shot or something .
Speaker 2So you're going into a vent and they're like we don't have alcohol , you , but I'm gonna leave . Nah , nah , I'm not that Somebody who's like can't be there , than no . What's wrong with you , bro ?
Speaker 1Like you , you don't have a personality outside I do agree kind of with that , like you , you , if you go to a place like it depends to because sometimes I think that it would depend , dennell on On that person preference , like , let's say that you set it up and it's like they're going out for the week and they haven't drank all week , and it's a Friday and they want to go out , and they want to go out and and they want to go to a place that has drinks . I don't know if , if choosing another place that does have drinks is indicative of an issue , you know , because they haven't drank up to that point , you know .
Speaker 2I would say it's more of like literally , if only time where for every time we go out you have to drink , than no Like if we , you can't enjoy yourself without that , then no , I'm good because I'm like , then you're , then you like . Your alcohol is your personality . The only way that I can feel loose and have fun or enjoy myself or be outgoing or anything like that is alcohol than not .
Speaker 1That's interesting because I I don't think I've ever been with anybody like that . I'm trying to think in my head . I don't think I've ever been
Relationship Red Flags and Deal Breakers
Speaker 1. I'm a big social I don't say big social drinker because I'm not . I'm a lightweight drinker , so I'm not like I can't like throw them back . You know what I mean . Um , but I do like to drink in social settings . I've always felt like If you're waking up in the morning and there's like a glass of wine next to your bed , yeah , it's a little like , it's a bit much . I call that like your . If you're chronic daytime drinking is how and I know that maybe even that sounds judgment , I don't know but if you're Constant daytime drinking , it makes me wonder like that's just a different way of life in the sense of like I don't know why you don't have things you have to do .
Speaker 1You got nothing else going on , sir . Like I'm just saying like , don't you go to like the store or something . So if you're like banging it back , 930 am . You know what I mean and it's like yo , you started your day like this . It's usually Maybe that's indicative of an issue , I don't know . You know it's . I haven't really done anything like that , would be kind of on my teetering on my . No , that's an absolute red flag . It's not even .
Speaker 1I would say no , you're not gonna be like just waking up , drinking and stuff like that . Now Do you consider like so ? So what's the difference ? That a red flag basically is like a deal breaker , right ?
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1So when a person's making their list , let's go , let's go through your list Person that's making your list there to know is your list like a deal breaker list or is it a Yellow red flag list , or is it just deal breaker list ?
Speaker 2It's impends what stage we are , because , like my beginning ones , definitely I would look more for the red flags , is I'm like why am I gonna waste my time ?
Speaker 1be here three time Eliminate basically .
Speaker 2Yeah , yeah . So , and then after that , then I give them more grace and have the yellow flags . You know things we can kind of work on together . I'm sure they'll have stuff about me that they don't particularly care for . Whatever , I understand that I'm , you know , everybody's human . They got their preferences for stuff for sure . I would start with red flags first and then turn into the goal with the yellow flags .
Speaker 1How many are you tolerating on the yellow place ? How many yellow flags become a red flag ? Is it like three yellow flags equals a red flag ? As I get older , you get .
Speaker 2You're getting the first one and Like nope , nope , sir , no , you know , I mean as a younger , yeah , I would give you more chances . I'm just like oh , I mean Flexibility . You know they're learning , we're learning together , but I feel like when you get to certain ages , like you should know better for some of these things , especially if I'm able to communicate . That was an issue for me . Not being able to communicate .
Speaker 1I think communicate is very important , so that would be a hundred percent at the top of Any situations . As much as I talk about the physical situations , that's like number one , right , because I Don't like non people who are being nonverbal in relationships . Kind of , if you earn a relationship with somebody , you're sleeping with them , you're living with them and all this other stuff . You can't like say stuff to them , but then you're going to work and you're you're running it all your mouth to everybody .
Speaker 2Yeah , especially at a grown age , like you two were on to be doing on it , I like why are you not letting a person know who was actually like in your household with you like ?
Speaker 2I would say that would be one of my red flags right there too , because you have the people who are just like you're having a conversation with them and I can't bring something up Okay , you know , this was an issue for me and then they dump on you everything that they've had an issue with . I was like , okay , right , like right . Why are you holding all of that in , waiting till now to let go and then be like , oh , you know you were doing it , so I'm gonna do it too . I was like you could have done that before and we could have nipped these little things in a button , yes , piling it to one big dump . Now I don't know what to do with all that . How can we even go go fix all that and stuff ? So I don't like that one when people just kind of complaint dump on you .
Speaker 1So what do you ? What do you do then with the yellow ? How much time are you giving on those yellow pads you are you having conversations about them immediately ? Are you kind of like , all right , well , we'll just see if this gets better ? And then , because People maybe just we wanted to see if things can get better before they like really go in about it , you know .
Speaker 2Yeah , I would say even Almost . I want to say , like my yellow flags are reserved for me being in a relationship with this person , like , yes , we had the conversation , I want to be with you or you know , we're gonna see , see things out further . I think those right yellow flags are reserved for them , like they would get more grace than anybody else . Somebody's been on the street yesterday and it's definitely one of those like hey , we talked about it , maybe , you know , maybe something that I could work on . It's not that big a deal and something we kind of push past or work through , or if it , if they continue to ignore a boundary that I said , then yeah , it's gonna be a red flag and we're not talking about that . So if you're gonna do that now , at this young stage of our relationship , then what I'm gonna do later on we actually get through the advice of the standard of you ignoring me or not considering my feelings in in our relationship , then it's only gonna grow from there . So like , why would I tolerate that and begin with .
Speaker 1I think that's fair . That's fair . That's there's nothing . There's nothing . There's there's a . I don't think anything irrational in that . They sound way more rational than than mine . Like you're mine , mine's very straight forward . Compared to mine , they're absolute deal breakers . Yeah , even still , I can't , I can't . That's just me being honest with myself and honest with them . That's my communication part , right there .
Speaker 2Well then now I have to think of a funny red flag where , just like people will be like really , that's one . Yeah , it is , I need another one for you . What's another deal breaker for you besides parting and feet ?
Speaker 1Yeah , it's probably like all like this is stuff like that , like it's stuff like bad breath . I can't unsmell it , like it's , it's , it's . I can't like you're , you're , I guess , like hygiene in general , like your hygiene game has to be together , because I keep buying together your hygiene games to be together and I think that's one that's more like substantial . It's not really just crazy , is settling , don't , do not settle , because I feel like when you mean by that , though I ?
Speaker 1mean like . So sometimes we get into relationships and we're in them for a very long time and then we just feel like the person , like the we've talked about this before . In a certain sense , the love will keep them .
Speaker 2There are the level here , except whatever I give you type stuff .
Speaker 1Yeah , and it feel like , hey , when you first met me , I was , I was hit , jim , I was doing everything . And then now that we've been together for a few years , I'm on the couch , let myself go a little bit because , hey , she loves me now and I got her , got her down , so I'm gonna kind of just lean on that and I feel like that's complacency . It's a certain degree , and I do not like that because I am not like that myself and and a lot of these things too , all these things I'm not walking around like dirty busted nails that you're not like .
Speaker 2All these things that I know you're like , you're like , clear absolutely do not there .
Speaker 1There , everything is together . Over here it's all the way off all the time and the thing is is like I'm the kind of person is like I am definitely reciprocating what I want from people . You know what I mean . So I'm not that guy is going to be . I'm not taking a person for granted . You know what I mean . I'm not going to take a person . I believe time is precious . Anybody just decided they want to spend any amount of time with you . It should be respected . It shouldn't be looked at and you get to the point where somebody's just where they're treating strangers better than they're treating you .
Speaker 1Yeah , and once that gets to that , once it gets to that level , right there where and I remember a friend who's dating somebody like man , whatever somebody new comes around , she's like a different person . That person I first met , like you know to be just , but then when they leave it's kind of like , well , you know , back to just , it's just you know , it's just you energy and I hate that it's just you energy because I like that we put that ?
Speaker 2yeah , that's hard . I never even thought about that . Just you energy . Yeah , I could , yeah it's .
Speaker 1That's a massive deal breaker for me , because that's my time , is still my time . Like I don't , because we're in a relationship and been relationship for four or five , six , seven years doesn't mean that now I have 30 hours in my day , or now I'm going to live to be 130 now because we've extended . We've extended on my life and my time doesn't matter no more . No , I believe , like your time always matters , that 24 hours a day always matters , and who you're choosing to spend your life with always matters . So it's kind of like I want that to be reciprocated . You know what I mean . Like I don't want , if you the things that attracted me or the same things I want you to be doing , I'm not going to have it where , years down the line , you're just not doing it because you've gotten so used to me being around so comfortable yeah , I can write with that .
Speaker 2Yeah , cuz I'm like I , especially somebody that I truly care about , I would want to keep impressing you . I want you to be like this is my girl . I don't know where ever we go , so , of course , like I want to , I want to keep myself up and all kind of stuff and then you know whatever it is , but whatever that means for our relationship pretty much , and I definitely wanted to be like impress every time I come through . Like dang , that's her . I got that like who wouldn't wouldn't want that feeling . I'm not going to be like that all the time .
Speaker 1So , even as you guys go by , and know , like with people , like saying that you got to walk around and high heels and lingerie all day , type things . It's not that . It's not that , it's just a sense of like the same things that brought you to the table would be the same things that keep you at the table . You know what I mean . And a lot of times people's behavior changes with time because the comfort sets in and then you start to think that this person will never leave me . And I've seen this . I've seen this and then I've seen massive hurt in relationships when the person does leave . Our friend that's going through that now . She left for us and her husband her ex husband thought she would never leave me . He literally told her that I just didn't think you were ever leaving , so he was never the hell he wanted to do .
Speaker 2Yeah , that's easy to me they think that , like you know , being married to somebody or in a long term relationship is like a lock , like you in , like you done .
Speaker 2I was like no , I still get out . Freedom is freedom . That is what it is , and people are only going to tolerate so much , especially when you , when you have always been with this person or even put this person so long , and then , like you said , with your friend , they're around somebody different or new and you see a whole new side . I think that would be the red flag to like when you go meet the family for the first time and they act totally different , like in your shock , like who is this person like ? Especially if it's a guy , like you've been dating for a while , you're expected to do certain things from , like some of the traditional people , whatever could clean all that stuff . And then you get to like go see his family and you have been hanging around them for a little bit . You see him doing things that he don't even do at your house . You like , well , you done , put your plate up .
Speaker 2What the hell right , you never want to dish in your life over here or you know big one , like if you want to go back to the little housewives or what knows it , love and hit power , something like that . I guess like somebody you had taken so much from within the relationship we've been over backwards , you know , accepted things or whatever , and you see him around another woman and he shows her a level of care and consideration that you didn't think was possible . Yes that was like a stab , you know .
Speaker 1I've been doing all this . You know to be like I'm the person that's actually going to be here for you . These are complete strangers . You know people and that can be the same way with social media , like paying so much more attention to your virtual friends .
Speaker 1When you need money , you're not going to ask your virtual friends , you're asking the person with you all the communication skills in the world online with your friends , your Mr , mr or Mrs bubbly online , but you can't be that same person for the human being that's actually caring for you in your house , right like it . You kind of like devalue that . So I would say that that's probably that in communication are like massive , massive red flags for me .
Speaker 2I would , yeah , I same , I would have to agree . I was gonna say , if there's gonna be like a oh , a funny red flag for me personally , oh , we'll be
Clean Teeth and Good Hygiene
Speaker 2. I , oh , I'm a teeth person meaning . Clean teeth period if you forget to brush your teeth just once You're done . Sir , I want you know plaque , I don't .
Speaker 1Get that dinner plan . Nails said you better like for the dental plan if you don't take nothing else .
Speaker 2You know , at least If you're missing a couple of them . But I like , I like a good smile .
Speaker 1Have a very teethy smile like my . My smile is like all teeth man .
Speaker 2They're clean teeth and that's the thing , and I guess it goes back to having the clean like the fresh breath . You got a rotten tooth in the back . Oh , dentist , I have great health care .
Speaker 1Let's collaborate . I'm getting that fix for you .
Speaker 2Yeah , they don't have to be fantastic , but at least like if you roll through a couple mornings and it's like hey , what's up ? And I'm like bro , you don't see that , you know , you know it's gracious . Oh .
Speaker 1What if it's just like I'm too picked ? Promise go , just go . Go go to the bathroom and handle that go .
Speaker 2Yeah , that's fine if I'm able to tell you that . But if you're just like , oh , it's fine , no , it's not fine , tell me to have . I got something , my tea , let me know . Or or you know what people have like little the corner mouth bitties , oh , Goodness gracious . My pet peeves don't , if people don't tell you that you have something on your face like you're gonna be red , like would it be yellow flag , because some people like the firmware they like .
Speaker 1With some people there that's a not . Sometimes they think it's being rude actually say that needs to be happening instantaneously , like that is Before you even leave the crib like , don't even let the person walk out the door , like that . If you see it , why and why would you hold that in ? I don't want to look at that shit .
Speaker 2Notting my downfall . Aren't you like , cuz ? I've seen people do it and like they're like a dude I like ? No , I know you didn't tell her as she got some of a face and you let her go around talking to people . I know you see it , but you're not gonna tell her anyway , cuz I feel like it's a slow key , it's manipulative , you trying to humble her a little bit because when she finally figures out and you're like you , let me walk around all this time with the stuff on my face . You like he had fire . I didn't know . You didn't know what you mean , I didn't know the problem . Yeah , you did , sir , like you playing and that's that kind of little things that are so manipulative . I can't stand that . I'm like I had a couple instances . People do that to a woman or anybody around them , not and not say anything . I was like you got they got the most crusty as boogers up in there .
Speaker 1Goodness , my red flag . Just you having them , I might be out of here . Just on that , goodness gracious , we went full circle Back to my red play . Listen , that's what a bed is for you . Better get in it . Go , get in that bed . Me work that out like a little nose crusty . No , no , not red .
Speaker 2What about I booger ?
Speaker 1Nope , I Can take that purse , but no , work it out . Work it out , man , work it out . Let me taste . The women are better , I'm gonna better human beings . There's a higher level expectation because women are just better like man . I , if I was like a woman , I'd be such be a lesbian . You kidding me , I would not be fucking these dudes , what so ever . Women are better , smell better , they're smarter , they're just better . So it's kind of like I Just couldn't , I can't , I can't go with any bro type stuff . You know what I mean . And you being crusty , you like Burpin , farting and stuff , that's all dude stuff to me and I can't , I can't have it , people are comfortable .
Speaker 2There's this thing it's like a level of closeness that I I don't think I'll ever achieve , or nor do I Right like like somebody use your toothbrush right ?
Speaker 1I never , would ever be that close to you .
Speaker 2And like , with the advent of social media , people are sharing stuff . It's like , like I said , like please bring back shame .
Speaker 1Yes , absolutely Absolutely , and he's lucky like it . You didn't really put him out there because you could be warning everybody else . Like listen , hide your toothbrush if just dudes around like because he sees no problems with it . You know me , he sees no problems with grabbing your stuff . You know what I mean , and it's not just lotion he's grabbing on . So it's kind of like no , no , I'm with that and I appreciate you taking some time out because we want to talk more . We do a lot of these subjects , would do some more research or fun subjects to do . Appreciate you taking some time here to know .
Speaker 2No , thank you . I mean I have time to like really think about some of these things and definitely upgrade it to my yellows to red . So thank you , I appreciate it Well making progress here .
Speaker 1This is a regin atl . Check us out , stitch your heart . Radio , google podcast , apple podcast , spotify , where we find your podcast . See you next time .