In this episode Lucy Woods, host of the show "Working Under Pleasure," joins us to share her journey from combating an eating disorder to speaking candidly about sex, a subject often swept under the rug.
We venture into the world of dating apps, discussing our personal experiences and views, analyze the limitations of having a 'type' and the challenges of making the first move as we navigate the maze of online dating, Lucy shares her thought-provoking insights about sex, dating, and relationships.into the rarely discussed taboos about sex.
In this episode Lucy Woods, host of the show "Working Under Pleasure," joins us to share her journey from combating an eating disorder to speaking candidly about sex, a subject often swept under the rug.
We venture into the world of dating apps, discussing our personal experiences and views, analyze the limitations of having a 'type' and the challenges of making the first move as we navigate the maze of online dating, Lucy shares her thought-provoking insights about sex, dating, and relationships.into the rarely discussed taboos about sex.
This is Reggie Natale coming to you from Loving City of Atlanta, georgia, going out to where are you at? When would Lucy Woods here from working under pleasure fame Lucy, how is it going? First of all, hello.
Speaker 2:Hello, I'm really well, thank you. Thank you for having me today. How are you doing?
Speaker 1:Always good, I'm always good. Life is pretty good for me, lucy. It's been pretty good for a long time, so it's like I'm always. I give you the same answer every time people ask me Now it's going always great, it's always. It's always great for me. And it's even greater now that you're on the show, because I've been looking to have some to talk about some of these topics that I haven't really had a chance to really dive deep into. Now, lucy, first of all for our audience, where are you located? Because I know I know nothing about geography. I know that you're in the UK. I hear UK, england, london they all seem like the same thing to me, but maybe they're not the same thing, maybe I'm just an idiot. Where, where, where are you located?
Speaker 2:So at the moment I'm located in a town called Winchester, so anyone that has watched Harry Potter think of it as like a small version of where Harry Potter is A very medieval old school town. But this is where my family lives. I'm currently at my family's Irony is I'm doing this interview in my childhood bedroom.
Speaker 1:You know what? Now, ladies and gentlemen, we're lucky to be here. We're lucky to be here for this. We might not ever get this again. You know what I mean? This guy, no, you know, winchester is funny because you say, for people who watch Harry Potter which is, I think, every human being, that that's out there and that's that's like must viewing for some people around holiday season. Now, how does Harry Potter for just diverging here from what, because our subject matter is going to be totally not Harry Potter, but just a little bit on that how would? How does that land for a place like it? For Winchester, like when you're seeing here, if I'm pretty sure, when y'all are watching Harry Potter is different than people that are in Atlanta, georgia, are watching Harry Potter. There's no place like that really around here, you know.
Speaker 2:Um, what do you mean? Like, what is like, or what?
Speaker 1:Yeah, when you guys, when you're watching I know, when I'm watching TV or movies and things that they have kind of like an Atlanta type setting or they have a setting that I feel is like a kit, similar to an Atlanta setting, it like it looks. I guess it's a different watch for me than it would be from somebody that's overseas. Is that the same way it is for Harry Potter? It's Harry Potter, just another film and you know, it just looks like the neighborhood.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I feel like. No, I agree with you, but I feel like, as a kid I grew up in, Harry Potter was read to me and I was like eight or nine years old and it was like cool. You know it was a big book, but it's cool that it's come from a woman in Scotland, which is obviously in the UK, so there is that element of like Harry Potter special over here. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:That's nice. That's nice. I'm totally from Harry Potter here. Let's talk about your show Working Under Pleasure. No, this is very interesting because I suggest anybody go listen to this show. First of all, they find your show Spotify Stitcher. Where is your show aired at?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so 28 platforms, but includes Spotify, apple, itunes. My biggest is YouTube People like to watch it on YouTube, but obviously now you can watch video on Spotify as well, but YouTube's like the most popular route for my show. So, yeah, go check it out if you enjoy this conversation every day. Like no pressure.
Speaker 1:You know it's interesting, lucy, because how do you come to doing this type of show? There's a million subjects out there, right? There's a million different shows that people can do. How did you come to doing one that kind of like a sex or sexual type of focus to it?
Speaker 2:Totally so. I've had podcasts for the last four years, more like mindfulness, mental health, things like that. Before podcasting was cool and then I was like you know, what do I really really really want to do? I want to talk about sex because for me a bit of a background about me I had this sort of eating for like 22 years.
Speaker 2:So I had suppressed my voice so much in so many areas of my life that I was so fortunate to come out the other ends and, like with any of these things, it's always a work in progress, but I was like I can use my voice. I can use my voice in anything that I want, and I know a lot of people maybe it's the British side of the world don't talk about sex and we've all come from it. Hello, this is why we're here. So I use that as my route in to build my confidence and finding my voice again. And the show's just grown immensely. I mean, we went viral in March and I wasn't expecting it, so yeah, so yeah. That's a bit of a background on the show.
Speaker 1:Now, how did you? What was it? A specific episode in March was a specific subject. Do you feel that that led to that? Because a lot of people they don't know, when people have things on social media or things that kind of go viral, it's just another day to them and it just ends up blowing up, you know. So was it that how it was for you? There's another episode and it just takes off.
Speaker 2:Well, it's a really funny story as a way. So I live mainly in Australia, but I came back to my parents in March and didn't really want to be back in the UK, went to like a classic English cafe. It was really gloomy, not good. I was like I'm just going to check my YouTube stats and I literally like drew on the floor, like surrounded by middle-aged people, and I'm there checking my sex podcast YouTube channel and I saw my stats and what it was is that I went viral because I ended up going to a swingers party and I did it. So I've never been before and I thought I'm going to talk about the before and afters of this not necessarily sexual or anything like that, but the experience and like what I noticed in different people and yeah, both of those the before and the after went viral. So yeah, it was a big, big round of time.
Speaker 1:You said the before and after. That's interesting because you know it's when you talk about swinger parties in general, because I did an episode with a couple. They're kind of like a swinging couple and now, and just like you, I had a million questions for them because I'm like, how do you get into it? Do you just like to just show up what randomly one day? Do you go by yourself? Do you go with friends? Like you know, it's a lot of different things. I'm pretty sure that's a subject matter that is interesting to a lot of people, because a lot of people they might think about these things, lucy, but they don't act on them. You know, it's kind of like very different. You have all kinds of things going on in your head when it comes to these kinds of subjects, right, but a lot of people are scared to like actually step out there and act on them. So what drew you to that type of liberation for you, like how did you get out of your head and turn that into like some type of reality?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So a big thing for me is when I kind of got out of this like disorderly eating way, I was like I have a body. You know, I've been numb to myself for so many years about being in my head and not listening to my intuition and simple triggers like hunger and things like that. And so I went on this whole journey of like embracing my looks, because one of my things was I was fearful of how attractive I was and that was on my way to money. Even sort of patterns came from. So I actually went on like a tantra retreat and Bali last year we can talk about that as well, if you want and then just kind of built this like real confidence in myself and I'm not saying like it's like sexual liberation, like no, but I'm saying like this real confidence of wanting to experiment and being intrigued by other people and why people go. So I basically ended up interviewing people at the party.
Speaker 2:Why was that? Yeah, I didn't bring my microphone.
Speaker 1:I was going to say did you set up an order there?
Speaker 2:How were you doing that? The podcast rim me was like I'm curious, you know I'm curious. How long have you guys been doing it? Like you said, there were couples or there were singles, or there was some people doing it because they were bitter towards their partners, but openly talking about it. You know, I never share anything that's confidentially been shared with me, but those are the kind of conversations that I was having and that's why I went. Yeah, I was curious about the people, not about really the whole experience myself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, it's interesting, lucy, because I wonder how I feel like women are so much more can get away with stuff like this than man. If a guy just shows up and just wants to start randomly interviewing people, how does that go over? For a male, I feel like women, they're just happy you showed up period, like it doesn't matter what you showed up for, like we're just happy you're here. And what guy is kind of like I don't know if it's taken the same way, do you feel like a guy would have been able to show up and have that same kind of like experience?
Speaker 2:I think. So I mean, I didn't have the intention to go and interview, it just comes naturally right. I'm probably even on dates and stuff. I say to people I really don't need to interview, but I'm just curious. I'm just curious by anyone really the barista at Starbucks, I'm curious by people. So it just kind of came naturally. And, to be fair, I mean I've only been to one swingers party. But people are open to talking because they're in a safe environment, right, they feel like they can fully show up as themselves. Or maybe they can't and they're super nervous. So talking to someone's going to totally deflect themselves from the whole room or the whole setup. So actually there was some really I mean the open people you've gone to as swingers. So yeah, it was a great easy thing to do.
Speaker 1:Now let's explain this. The Tantra is in that size. I've always seen this and I've always pronounced it Tantra, but that's probably like shows my ignorance of this subject, which is completely ignorant of it. I have no clue what it is. I've always thought in my I'm going to give you what I thought it was in my head and then you can tell me like how wrong or right that is, lucy. Okay, so in my head Tantra is always it's like. Is it like, I don't want to say like Karma Sutra, but is it like a physical type thing? I guess sex is physical in general, but I've always thought of, like you know, tantra being like more of a physical type manifestation of it, or like how far off or odd am I with that kind of interpretation of it?
Speaker 2:I mean there's no like. There is obviously a definition in the dictionary. I'm sure I've never looked it up, but you're on the right lines.
Speaker 1:You know like if you've got the lines, yeah, well done.
Speaker 2:I would say in my experience it's very much like energetics, so it's masculine and feminine and how they intertwine together, and it doesn't necessarily need to be like penetrative sex. It can be like breathing. It's very intimate. It doesn't have to be actually connected via like traditional methods of how people would assume they make love. It is through like the breath and like presence with each other, which sometimes can be more intimidating than actually the act that people think sex is. So you hear of people that do it for like hours on end and get so much pleasure by not actually having sex, but they are in each other's bodies through breath and things like that. So yeah, it's, yeah it's pretty intense, but it's fun. Bodies through breath.
Speaker 1:That, wow. So I want to kind of like scratch every other thing I have for this show. We just talk about just talking for this for this entire episode. But the thing is is like, how do you do people like orgasm from like breathing? Is that possible?
Speaker 2:Totally. Yeah, I mean there's a few episodes in my show I don't know them by heart, but I can. I can sense some. But yeah, like there definitely is. I mean when you are so connected with someone and you're so present with them, you feel the energy so deeply that you can get off on that. I mean there is one thing with Tondra and I never liked to shame. There's no right or wrong on any of these things. You know, I don't want to say I'm like this Tondra, goddess or expert, because I'm the expert on this show.
Speaker 1:I tell you that.
Speaker 2:Like it doesn't necessarily have. Sometimes people say that it's not necessarily healthy to obviously like come and have that release. You can have that. Sexual energy is so powerful, like if you can cultivate it through breathing, you can use it throughout the whole day without having to release it because you're releasing it gradually through your day to day tasks, through your work, through your friendships. You know like that creates energy. So what Tondra can do is it can like charge your batteries basically to that level and then you gradually release it throughout the day in your life. Yeah, so it's pretty powerful stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's very interesting and I'd imagine you say you've been doing it. Has it been the same show, lucy, for the four years? Can you say you've been doing it roughly four years? Has it been different, different subject matters and stuff like that?
Speaker 2:It's been different. It started off um, oh my God, what was? My first show called Freedom State of Mind. But no my, my working under pleasure show started in January this year.
Speaker 1:So very nice. And it went viral in March.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I don't want people to think like I'm was an overnight success because, like I've been building obviously for four years, but just different, building my audience, but just changing my shows, obviously, carrying them over with me, or losing some obviously, or gaining some as well because of the subject matter.
Speaker 1:So yeah, so over the the since so you said this subject matter since January and with the shows that you've done, is there ever anything that you hear that is surprising to you, that that is like shocking that not necessarily in a negative way, like me just learning that you can orgasm for breathing? I've had like two or three surprises during this show already. We were like what, 13 minutes into the show there's already been a couple of these shows you how much I know about this kind of stuff. Um, do you hear anything that really like shocks or surprises you?
Speaker 2:Um, I feel like what shocks and surprises anymore is the listeners and the listeners response.
Speaker 2:I think that's what shocks and surprises me, and it's mainly what I find is that I get a lot of men that message me for advice with their wives and their girlfriends, because the wives and girlfriends don't have the courage to message themselves.
Speaker 2:Which goes back to my main theme of my show is that speaking your truth in the bedroom has the most positive effects on the rest of your life, cause I believe, like in the bedroom is obviously such a vulnerable place in your life and if you have the courage to do that in the bedroom, you have the confidence to do that in every other area and it kind of sort of supports that in that way that, you know, a lot of men are coming to me asking for advice on behalf of their wives, but then my listeners are mainly women, because the husbands of boyfriends are telling them to listen to this show. So that really surprises me. Um, but yeah, that really surprises me that women traditionally are shy to still talk about it, you know, and so yeah, Maybe you have to be that, represent that voice, lucy.
Speaker 1:That's what your show is being that, that voice for. I guess that repressed, um, like maybe repressed thoughts, you know, I'm not sure. I think maybe the sex, you know, when it comes to sex it's kind of like money in the sense of they could be taboo subjects. Lucy, like Pete, nobody wants to talk about things that are very important to people's lives. Right, these are very important things, people's lives, but they become the thing that you just don't ever talk about. You know, was this like a? I know you told me about the, the eating issues, but has this been like a lifelong discovery or has this something that you just blossomed, like the last few years? You're like, you know what? I'm going to figure this out and kind of plow forward with it.
Speaker 2:What do you mean? The show.
Speaker 1:The just it, no, your own sexuality and kind of coming out in your own sexuality, your own sexual journey for yourself, and how are you able to kind of conquer some of these things that people tend to struggle with a lot?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it naturally came with the luxury I say luxury, it's not been pretty, but like working through my body issues, my image with my body, of realizing like that sometimes as an attractive woman in my experience, I'm just going to earn that.
Speaker 1:That you know nothing wrong with that, lucy.
Speaker 2:I think that can be quite intimidating because you attract I attract a lot of attention and I don't necessarily want that attention. And you know, I'm very fortunate. I do get a lot of men offering me phone numbers and dates but I don't, I don't necessarily want to go with them because they don't feel right for me. Nothing against them are more for for me in my preference. And so as I became more confident in my body and understanding what I wanted, that kind of grew into this path of like yeah, and just seeing what worked for me and owning who I am as a woman. You know, because I think a lot of people don't talk about it enough but sexual energy is very, very powerful and that's one of the reasons why I think it's feared upon and seen as a debut in most of this world because of its power.
Speaker 1:You know, one of the things I always ask people are, I guess, women more so, because guys will never have a problem with this. But with with with women in from an attractive level, would you rather get the attention or not get the attention at all? Would you rather, let's say that you got to choose one. Lucy, you can wake up tomorrow. You can choose one of the polar opposites, right, you can be at the end where you don't get any attention and you or you could kind of be in your life right now where you kind of get the attention. Is there a preference there for you?
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, that's such a good question. I've never been asked that before. I would say I don't know. I feel like I've been on both spectrums. You know, some days when you purposely make yourself not look good because you don't want any attention, I think for me it's more like the right attention, like the safe attention, you know, like feeling as if someone that feels good and your energy, or someone that actually wants to be your friend rather than someone that just thinks they can get in your pants, that's probably the right attention.
Speaker 2:I thought an answer question I did up.
Speaker 1:I mean it's close because most of the people. I'll tell you what the most of the answers are. Most of the answers are I want the attention when.
Speaker 1:I asked women that yeah, when I asked women this question. I've asked a few and I say, okay, you can wake up tomorrow and you don't have to get hit on 30 times going to the gas station, you don't have to get hit on 30 times checking your mailbox or you know, you don't, and it's just, attention just disappears, you know. And most of them are like wait, I'd rather, I'd rather have it. That's what they tell me. I've never maybe had one or two people on the other end, but it's not very many who've chosen the not have the attention situation you know yeah sorry.
Speaker 1:I don't know if that's just a situation of whether I think if people, if I offered a Goldilocks kind of situation, where it can just be in the middle, where people are just like, okay, well, if they can find a happy meeting, I think that's where most people would be. But I tend to kind of give like the either one or the other type of situation. Now, when you're interviewing people, or for your show, it's people from different countries, right, people are, they're all people from all around, right, when you're interviewing them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, totally, I'm in Australia and America and the UK.
Speaker 1:Is there any difference in how that sexuality or how these conversations go, based on their location? Do you find a one? Maybe they're a hornier in Australia, maybe they're a hornier in America, I don't know. Do you find a difference in that, or is there kind of ties that bind there with sexuality?
Speaker 2:I love that. I've never thought of it like, but now I'm reflecting on the people I've interviewed, Australians and because I'm part from that side of the world as well, I feel like I can have a bit more of an open dialogue easier with them. So with Australians we'll have a quick 10 minute debrief to start off with, and nothing's ever planned in my show, but I always say to everyone is there anything you're not comfortable sharing with?
Speaker 1:them, your all limits.
Speaker 2:Creating that safe space? Totally yeah, because this is a really sensitive subject that they've agreed to join on. The majority, I think actually everyone I've interviewed from Australia is like, yeah, that's totally fine, let's just go with it and roll with it, and that's fine. Some of the US have been a little bit more reserved but have been very more polished with things you know like kind of deflected from the question a little bit more, maybe sort of media trained in some way, whereas Australians straight out, like all information, there you go. And then British I don't know if I've interviewed anyone in British. I don't think I have. No, I haven't interviewed anyone in British yet, so maybe we'll see. But yeah, that's not me the route to take.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you know what's interesting about that, because a lot of people you know American, when you look in America as far as like a country in the world, it can be kind of conservative. Like you know, we'll look at, we'll be here and we'll look at commercials from other countries and they'll be like nudity on them and we're like what the, what, the, what the hell's going on here, like what there's like a naked person on your commercials there. We know where are we going to do what the kids and stuff like that Like it's. I think this, I think that's why you might get a lot more kind of deflection for people in America, because they're not really like. Once you get somebody that will open up to you, they will open up. It's just getting peeling those layers off. You know those external layers that we're kind of raised with here in this country.
Speaker 1:You know it's a little bit more taboo to discuss a lot of these subjects. Now, one of the things I definitely wanted to ask is do you think there's something that's the most misunderstood about sex that you kind of come across? Is there like a stigma about it? Is there something, the way that people kind of feel about it? Cause I know it's very subjective, it's very different to to each individual, but is there something that comes across on your shows or just even in your everyday life that you feel like people kind of have a misunderstanding about sex?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel like I'm just thinking you're asking me, but I think a lot of people might think, if you're open about talking about sex, like myself, that you might be particularly really promiscuous though that's something that I'm like I'm an orgy's every day, or something like hey, I just got back from my orgy.
Speaker 1:I'm going to discuss that here Exactly. You're going to do my next one tonight.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're going to do one minute. It's like he's just waiting. They're just all waiting outside, you know, and there's equally nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with that. But I always say on my show, like sometimes I'm interviewing in my parent, in my parent's house, like I'm not like a big, real promiscuous person. That's who I am, that's just who I am.
Speaker 2:But I'm intrigued by people that are, or I'm intrigued by like different sexual situations, because that fascinates me. So I think that's a big thing that people think like, oh my God, because you talk a lot about sex means you must be really highly sexual, or don't speak to my husband or any of this stuff, you know, even though the husbands are messaging me advice for their wives. But I think that is a big thing I've come across and even with dating, you know, I have had guys assume that are like you know, drop my pants on the first date, which there's no shame against that at all. And if I like someone I don't know, I never make rules up, but that is like that Um kind of perception, you know, if you openly talk about sex, that you two might be promiscuous, like that. When I'm like, it's actually pretty much the opposite.
Speaker 1:That's very interesting and I've heard that a lot, I mean a lot of chefs.
Speaker 1:They may cook in restaurants, they may cook in hotels or wherever they cook, but they don't really like to cook at home, you know.
Speaker 1:So it's kind of like you know it's it's I can, I can see how that happens and I'm going to piggyback off something that you just said when it, because there's a lot of things that people probably want to know and I don't think there's really any clear cut answer to it, lucy. And that is how, how long before sex, like when, when you are dating somebody new, and I feel like that's so I don't mean to throw it to you like that Cause that's super subjective that's going to be so different, based on the individual right and, like you said, and I'm so much with you in a sense of, there's no manual on how to live life. There's no right or wrong answer there when it comes to that. But from your, from your perspective, is it like a feeling you like, well, this is going to be first day tonight or is going to be? Or is there like, well, I'm not to give this guy a month? I'm not even sure about I'm going to see this person again?
Speaker 2:Like, is it?
Speaker 1:that you go between those.
Speaker 2:I'd say for me I have. No, I don't have a type. Like if I look at the guys that I have dated or been in relationships with, they know them, really look alike. So for me it's more of like an intellectual connection first, like I like to go deep in conversations and if I can connect with someone like that, I'd say it's a few and far between that. I would start off dating. To be honest, I'm quiet, I'm quite picky with who I date, or it sometimes can be like I'm friends with them and then it ends up being more romantic because I become having feelings with them. I would say I don't have any rules, but if I look, this isn't helpful. Sorry, reggie, but like if I look like the guys I've been with in the dating experiences they've all been different. I don't use dating apps, I just meet guys in life and just out places.
Speaker 2:Yeah, out places at the beach I'm walking my dog cafes, restaurants, do friends yeah, that's how I always meet guys. Yoga, that's how I meet guys.
Speaker 1:Give me guys at yoga. So how many guys are doing yoga? Should I be doing yoga, lucy? Like, do I need? Do I need to join a yoga studio? Is that, was that what you're saying? Is that where I've been going wrong? I have not joined a yoga studio yet.
Speaker 1:I did hot yoga one time. Yes, I was sweating my ass off and it was about to die in there, and I did it for like a month. I bought like a month, I died, I dove in, I did a day and then I bought like a monthly package because I was like yo, I'm gonna do this yoga thing and I did it for a month and I was. I I sweated my ass off. Um, it was taught by a guy who was wearing like it wasn't like a diaper, it was like this cloth type of thing, and he was like just walking around. He had a mic like you know, like you know the boy band mic where there's like we were just walking around the room and he's parking out orders and we're dying in that room, and I'll remember thinking like this guy's a professional man like this.
Speaker 1:These is there a, and I saw a few guys there, but the the vast majority, ratio wise. It was like three to one women in there. Do you do? How do guys hit on somebody? I would have been dying trying to. I was barely breathing in there, lucy. How are guys hitting on people at a yoga studios? How does that happen?
Speaker 2:hilarious I'm normally. I mean to be fair. I have kind of promised myself I'm gonna. I'm stopping dating guys from yoga studios.
Speaker 1:So let me cancel that.
Speaker 2:I will not be renewing my it's not necessarily heated yoga, because I agree with you, he's yoga like, get me a custom of coconut water and get me out of there, like I don't want to make conversation with you, um, unless I'm with one of my girlfriends and we're going for brunch afterwards. But traditionally, like in Australia, like in Bondi, where one of my houses is, I, yeah, I will you. Just it's quite like that Everyone's in their wellness over there. But often this is quite money. But I've said Often, like a lot of the rugby team go into yoga on the weekends after their training matches and I traditionally have gone for rugby men before.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying have a tie there, we go there we go, you know where to stalk them at, lucy. You've done your homework, lucy.
Speaker 2:No, that's how. No, that's true, it's for experience. So that's how sometimes I've ended up dating guys from yoga studios. But um, I kind of promised myself six months ago I stopped and I've done quite well since actually.
Speaker 1:I'm glad to hear that's going well for you. You know well guys like so and this is this is a message. I was a question, I guess, for a lot of guys who want to approach the, the subject of sex with women, but you never know. We need to approach it without something like an absolute creeper like. So you're like, is it First date, is it sex? So it's first date? Should all sex subjects be off the table first date and maybe you pull that in second, third date?
Speaker 1:I go like how do you approach it? Because from I think that the physical nature of sex and and and people's want to needs when it comes to this is so different that at some point it would need to. It bars discussion at some point. You know what I mean, because you're how do you know? Let's say that somebody's into anal, like you're, and, but you're not an anal and it's something that you might want to have a discussion with at some point down the road for, like the longevity of whatever that relationship may be Right, just understanding what that person's needs, maybe, or what their needs and wants, maybe, but as a guy you're so already kind of stigmatized as a creeper. You kind of come in as a creeper and then you work your way into not being a creeper, like through conversation or whatever you're doing. How do you broach that subject without just sounding like you're just only out for that?
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a good question. I think you know what. I think it takes both parties, whether you're a man, woman, dating or whatever gender you turn yourself as, to bring that up, because I think it depends on, like, how you guys met what date it is. I, I look, I mean I'm quite lucky in a way. People know my show, so they do bring it up like date one and I can already tell, like, if they are an investor or a consumer. I don't know if you've heard those two terms before an investor or consumer?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and.
Speaker 2:I'm a see someone wants to get to know you and spend time with your consumers. They just want a bit of you and they're out. So I can kind of gauge that from From conversation. Um, I can actually be quite blunt. I also, because I've got this show, I can be quite blunt about it now. So I built the confidence actually just outrightly ask and be like at the end of the day, you can, what are you, what are you looking for?
Speaker 2:Is kind of what I I say sometimes and I guess if I've known someone for a while and it's like a friendship that's kind of turning into more. You already, I already know, because his friends it's kind of covered before, maybe like with previous relationships or dating. So I, my advice would be and I never want to preach in anyone, but it's like if you're thinking about it, just ask it and if the other person gets triggered then that's their stuff, you know, and then you can talk about it. Or, equally, you can see that is not a green flag and walk away. So I think, just bringing up Sooner run the later. And I mean, if you're on a date with someone, like what, were you gonna play puzzles? Do you know what I mean, like you know, maybe obviously you kind of get you get to know each other, but maybe at some point that's gonna happen. So yeah, there's no right or wrong in anything.
Speaker 1:Well, I think you gave us the answer, lucy is to start a sex show, start a sex podcast. You your answer was in that answer. In that answer was we all guys? What we need to do, fellas, is start our sex podcast and then we'll have people like Lucy on and then I can just put this on my Dating app, like I could just put this episode on as my intro. I don't even want to say anything, I'll just put this episode on and then I'm good to go. I can just open it up.
Speaker 1:I've already talked about it. You know what I mean, and that makes it interesting or easy to talk about with other people. So, since you had this show because that was actually you kind of Segwayed into my next question is like, since you've had the show, how easy or hard has it been like for people To have preconceived notions of which you might know We've talked about earlier, about people feel like you're just know you're sexy 24 hours a day, but it's like it is. Is that been better or Worse for preconceived notions about your personality and who you are and stuff like that?
Speaker 2:I think the ones, the people that know me anyway. So, like guys I've dated before or guys that are in my life, I was like friends and maybe there's something there or there isn't, because they know me and they know my history like it had doesn't make a difference at all. When I'm meeting someone, you I probably don't tend to tell them, just because I Just don't like. It just doesn't come upon conversation. I don't know. You know, I suppose I guess like if they ask me what I do when I say I have a media company, then you know we can go into it that way. But I can also just say I infuse people about their love lives because that's what I do, and then actually it works out a lot better because, like I said before, there are a lot more open about their love lives and I can kind of work out a bit more the compatibility maybe or their experiences. And what I don't like, though, if anyone that's listening, is the people that pre listen to my episodes and they start quoting things on dates.
Speaker 1:Really is know why. Why is that? Loose cuz? You know what? Some people. That's so crazy? Because with some people, lucy, that would be so flattering that people like oh, I'm listening to my episode and other people would be like, oh, get out of here. Type, because I can see both. I can see a visible reaction and I can see a pretty, you know, a Flattering reaction. Why is that more so a turnoff for you?
Speaker 2:Because I it's okay, right, two things. I love that you look at it the other way, and I do look at the other way in a certain situation, but some of them I, some of them are trying to tell me what they think they want me to hear, because they've listened to my show.
Speaker 1:Interesting, you know me.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I can tell that quite quickly now. I've had that a couple of times recently where I've been like this is just, you're not your authentic Showing, it is yourself because you've listened to episode 22 and 23 or something. And I necessarily say that because God, that sounds pretty arrogant of like. So you listen to my show when this sounds familiar. Where's this come from? And sometimes I don't. I don't remember my shows every word.
Speaker 1:So I was right, absolutely a hundred percent agree with that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we'll go home and then be like thinking to myself after the date, being like but I would. I love it if someone's open with me and they're like so I found you, you know I. Maybe we exchange Instagram to write like normal dating. People might do Listen to one of your episodes and I write that's cool, oh great, what did you think about it? And then that's an easy conversation. That's fine. I don't mind that. The ideal situation is if no one has listened to my book, I don't know who I am or anything about me and we just build a genuine connection, whether it's a friendship or a relationship or whatever that's it, and then I will show them my passion and my drive and my business with them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's interesting and it's because it's gonna be so different. I could see guys face-planning on that a lot like because it might feel like you'd be flattered by it. And then you do it and you're like, oh, this is out, that's, that was horrible. So when dating wise for you, when you go because you said you don't use dating apps, which is like exclusively what I have used is dating apps, because but I do that for a very specific reason though, lucy, because Me personally I have types, have things I like in women, and I have types of Certain things that turn me on something, turn her off, and when I'm on a dating app, I can kind of see more of a flesh. It's not like in a complete picture, because it could be like social media, you know, you only see a snippet of somebody's life on there, but I can get somewhat of a picture. Like I can know if you've got like Seven kids, I can know that you have seven kids. If you like to do certain things, if you're a smoker, if you're, there's certain things I can see on a dating app and I can kind of weed out to which more women that I kind of like Indifysical.
Speaker 1:Here's the thing in the physical and and we talked about. One of the things we talked about is in one of your episodes with Jamie. She's talking about the pussy heart connection. There, in the physical, there is no connection between my brain and my penis. There is no connection. If I see an attractive woman, I don't care Lucy about what's going on in her life. If I see, let's just say I go to a bar and it's an attractive woman there and I want to talk to her. Now all those things that I want to look at on a dating app and weed it out or out of here, I don't care. If she smokes, I don't care. She has seven kids, I don't. We're gonna try to make it work, because that's what my penis is saying. We want to make this, we want to make this work. So that's easier for me. What's it? What is the turnoff for you with dating apps? Is it that you've used them before and you didn't like them? What is that? The reason why you don't use those?
Speaker 2:Like I said well, going back to my point before, like I don't really have a type and so I think there's a lot of amazing people that I would miss out on if I use dating apps. Don't get me wrong.
Speaker 1:I have interesting so many times. Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Like I've tried them and I've been on dates with guys and dating apps and I I find them really shallow and I like, but I like your opinion of things, how you like to see you know If they have kids or they do in their spare time, like but that's part of the fun of it for me, like going on a date and having those conversations and understanding about them and you know, because I think sometimes and I've got nothing against anyone with kids I've dated a few guys that have kids and I actually quite like that because I can see what they're like with their kids.
Speaker 2:If we have that point of me meeting their kids, or me understanding how they are, or the ex partner or whatever, but I like that I don't know that before I've met them, so I don't have any preconceived.
Speaker 2:So to speak totally yeah, like I've met them like once, because you started chatting in yoga or you know, or something like that, where I've kind of, you know, there's a little bit of conversation there, there's a little bit of connection, there's some interest and it's easier, you know, and also I'm gonna see them in the bar and know exactly who they are and not like tiptoe around the bar twice and be like, oh, that's love that you know, okay, and that's fun shallow, but it's because I've seen a photo that isn't so true, so true.
Speaker 1:Oh, my god, I would tell you if that was anything that was the worst part about using dating apps Is that extra added level of are you who you are like like you that did. That's a good thing. Like you see people's pictures and photos and angles they might have taken. You know I got a couple angles that can you know, show if I like do a certain angle. I might like I have like a four pack if I can like take my picture at a certain angle, but you're gonna be completely disappointed in actual life because it ain't there and it's, and so I get what I can get. That that factor of being a situation where you're like you just want to do it old-fashioned way at least I know you're you.
Speaker 2:Even if I'm not like Remotely attracted to you, like from face value, we've got a connection. We had a little laugh on something, or my dog tried to hump your leg, I don't know. You know there's funny that we're like Connecting over. So let's go for a coffee, and I'm really smooth move. Actually I'll share with a guy a few weeks ago he won't mind me sharing this and we were just chatting, we, we bumped into each other a few times and he was like, hey, look, we seem to get on really well, let's just grab dinner tomorrow night. And I was like I really liked that move because it was like when we don't need to be on a date, we could be friends. We're just, we're getting on with chatting, let's just go for dinner tomorrow night. And it was just done in such a smooth way.
Speaker 2:We are friends and, you know, in a way that wasn't like when you're on a dating app, it's like, well, when are they gonna ask me out? Or oh, I don't know if I'm gonna be free at this day. And then and I, I personally think you guys have pressure to ask women out on dates like it can work both ways in my opinion and, like I said, there's no right or wrong, but you know it's. They've been talking to him of five days on a dating app. You're not gonna. A lot of people have gone and moved on to the next one, but you might have missed out on an amazing connection with someone because you waited five days.
Speaker 1:That's not that guy. Three days I'm out of here, lucy. I don't have, I don't have time for this. So you know I'm out of here 72 hours, you know? No, it's not not all the way. I guess it depends on what, the, how many messages you're getting. I should say how many, what, the what, how many irons in a fire, so to speak, you have. You know, if you have people like that Are engaging with you all the time, then that tends to be where your time goes. And if you have a person that pops up Three times a month, I would want to talk more than three to four times so much. Have you been on a date before where you instantly knew Lucy, like you instantly knew? This is not gonna work out like instantly totally.
Speaker 1:Did you stay for the day? Did you, it's you sure, in the day, or did you stay for it?
Speaker 2:I'm just thinking my worst recent the situation with that, um, I yeah. So oh, massive error that I did at the start. So I've met someone this is about a year ago actually, so this is cool to share he won't be listening. So I was in Bali at the time and kind of wanted a weekend to myself, went away and was having breakfast. So you know, when you know someone has taken themselves on like a solo weekend away just to like leave them, anyway, bless them. He hadn't read the room first sign. We ended up chatting for like a good hour or two afterwards and he was like oh, I'm going back to like some of the place in Bali tonight I'm not around, but I'm actually in your area tomorrow.
Speaker 2:When I was back in my villa at the time and we vibe, we chat for a couple of hours, he seemed like a cool guy, but I wasn't. I was attracted to him but I wasn't. That was something that just didn't feel right. You just don't know what it is so Interesting. So I was like, okay, you know what, let's just go on a date tomorrow. We're gonna be in the same place at the same time, let's just go. But he and I don't know if you've been to Bali, but a lot of people ride bikes so everywhere that's like their transport and I just hated that. So I would rely on people. I need to have someone drive me around when.
Speaker 1:I would like Are you like biking year round? Are you like sitting in the back of one of those things and like biking year round, or are you actually being driven around Cause? If people are biking, then let me do like Uber for bikes. Just like bike me somewhere.
Speaker 2:There was yeah, it's called graph Like an Uber for bikes, so I would be having this all the time. And I lived there for six months. I got to know the locals quite well. So the traditional thing is that if you're like dating, potentially, they offer to come pick you up and my villa's super secure, there's security, do you know what I mean? Like it's a safe situation. So I was like that's fine, you can come pick me up, oh. And then he was like oh, I've got a spare helmet, can I leave it in your room? And at the time I was like that's fine, I just got to my room over there, I'm gonna stay by the gate, like, and I'll get on the bike. And I was to put my dog away at the time. Anyways, obviously, afterwards I only knew, like the beginning of the dinner, that I didn't wanna be there because Wow.
Speaker 2:I didn't know he would talk at me, that was it. He would talk at me and he wouldn't ask me any questions. And, as you know, as you well, I don't you probably can't see right now, but I'm a good listener and so I got to the point where I was like this guy knows F all about me. I know everything about him. I'm bored. I'm bored Like I'm interested in him, but I'm bored I also just not being asked the question and I don't wanna be, and I'm bored of also being the chick that's being like, oh yeah, I've had something similar, you know, trying to chirp in like it wasn't a flow of conversation, and then there was a thunderstorm. And in Bali, when there's a thunderstorm, everything shuts, like you can't move anywhere on your bike because the road starts to flood.
Speaker 2:So it was like oh, God, we're stuck in a restaurant and this guy anyway, and so the rain stops, the restaurant closes, we go back. We go back and he's like, oh, I need to pick up my helmet from your room. And I'm like, oh, just put it. So I think I made him go get the helmet and he went in for the kiss and I was just like I can't remember what I did, but it was an absolute no from me.
Speaker 1:Oh, you curved the kiss, oh man.
Speaker 2:Then I did it quite well. I didn't know I did it. Bless him, he didn't realize. I think he just thought I was maybe playing it cool or I don't know. And then I had to message him the next day and be like I'm really sorry, like I was so nice to meet you but I'm not. You know, I don't want to take this further and he was shocked. He was like so shocked and I was like I almost wanted to give him some feedback, so I did.
Speaker 1:Yeah, send him a yes man.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:So he could do better the next time, Lucy.
Speaker 2:Totally and he did not like it. He brought up all of his stuff and he was like he took it personally, basically, and brought up about some of his insecurities and stuff which I never even knew he had, and I was just like, oh God, like.
Speaker 1:Did you feel like when you were writing, sending him the feedback? Listen, I think that the feedback is nice. I mean, how are you going to know if you could do better if people aren't like giving you constructive feedback on how you did, especially when it's a situation where you're shocked, right? I feel like if you're shocked about it, then you'd want to know more, right? Like you definitely want to know if I'm shocked. I guess if you weren't shocked, then you're turning people off all the time and it doesn't matter. But if you are shocked, it's interesting that you would have that kind of reaction. But man have egos, lucy, and they are fragile at times. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:I don't want to sound like a bitch, that kind of gave him feedback like that, because he actually asked me. He was like well, what went wrong? I thought we were getting on so well and I was like well, you were talking. You were talking at me for two and a half hours, like you know.
Speaker 1:Just a long time.
Speaker 2:A long time, and so it wasn't anything like personal anything, and I almost was surprised that he hadn't registered that himself, like he hadn't gone home and reflected that. But then he just brought up all these other things. I was like I did none of it cross my mind, and so I wish you the best of luck.
Speaker 1:Something no guy ever wants to hear.
Speaker 2:Yeah, then he blocked me.
Speaker 1:So then, he drove past me.
Speaker 2:He drove past me like a few days after and totally didn't acknowledge me. So I was like OK.
Speaker 1:Were you going to acknowledge him? Were you going to like wave or anything? Or do you want to just like, look the other way, like yourself, like, ok, I don't want to continue this, knowing each other type situation.
Speaker 2:Well, like it's a small place. It was a small place where I was, and so we'd bump into each other at the gym or the spa, like, of course, I'm not going to sit in a sauna next to him in silence, like you know. Like yeah, so yeah, of course, like I'm going to, but I like that, I would rather be acknowledged. People like dated with dated and have it more. I mean I don't want to be friends with them, but you know, hi, how are you? Goodbye kind of thing. Yeah, it's easier.
Speaker 1:So you're not a friends with the ex kind of person I'm totally not, by the way, like it's. It's when me and my exes Well, for the most part I'm trying to think, for the most part is kind of like after we stop dating, they like drop off the face of the earth. It's like they are not even like if I it's not to say that if I don't, I'll see them in a grocery store. I don't tend to date people in in Atlanta. Atlanta is like small, big, like you can run into certain people in Atlanta, but it's rare, depending on what neighborhoods you might you tend to like frequent. You know what I mean. So you don't see them all the time.
Speaker 1:And if I was happened to bump into, I'm not going to like they not, they're not there. But at the same time I don't like. I don't like that in my in in, in partners. I'm not. I'm not a fan of people that I would date. Lucy Like my ex is my best friend or I really, you know there are always here. I'm not going to be like you need to get him out of your life. I'm not, I've never been that guy, it's more so just kind of like okay, that's just not for me type of situation. So it'll be that's. That's interesting. As we get towards the end of the show here, I would use the thing called total turnoffs and total turn ons here with you, lucy, total turnoff, total turn on. And we're going to go down a couple of different subjects here.
Speaker 1:So in dating we you've already kind of like you've already kind of segwayed earlier. You already kind of segwayed into the dating portion of what a total turnoff. Lucy doesn't like people who are talking at her for two and a half hours, guys. She's already told you that. But is there any other dating? Just total turnoffs. We'll do turnoffs before we do turn offs for dating. Well, yeah, people pretending to be not who they who they want to who they authentically are.
Speaker 2:You know, you can kind of feel that when someone doesn't show up as who they are, total turnoff. Don't like that someone that, oh my God, I've had this. He's still a friend, so I let him off and he probably will listen to this I know her wrote his eyes and he listens to this. Who answers their phone in the middle of dinner.
Speaker 1:Oh, faux pas, man. You're not turn that thing off or turn it around, turn the screen upside. Whatever you have to do, give that person the time. It's the least you can do, though, lucy, right, like the least you can do.
Speaker 2:Totally. And we had the conversation. I was like, look, I get that you work European hours and you're not in Europe right now. So, times and wise, you may need to pick up a work, or while we're having dinner, or, of course, if it's like a family because these are dad, if it's like your child, of course. But let's just have a bit of communication that, hey, my phone's ringing, this is urgent. I'm gonna step outside for two minutes, like that's kind of respect, rather than mid conversation and going hello. I'm reading hey, you're just sitting there, I was fuming, I wasn't fuming, but I just said to him like what are you like?
Speaker 2:Are the women that you get away with that? And he had never had a woman say that to him before, because he's quite a successful, he's quite a successful businessman and I don't think he's had a woman say that to him before. And that's probably why we are good friends after this, because we have a lot of respect for each other. But that was just like don't look at your phone. Why your presence? That's what I mean. Presence is important to me.
Speaker 1:Is it being present?
Speaker 2:I understand agree.
Speaker 1:So turn on dating from a dating step standpoint on the turn on. What is that?
Speaker 2:Someone that's silly, someone I can laugh with. I think for me, I can get super serious quite easily. I like deep conversations, but if someone can be able to hold a room where they can talk deeply but also we can be silly, like we can go to the supermarket together and just laugh, or if we get stuck in a rainstorm, it's really funny like just someone that's silly. Someone that's intelligent I really value intelligence. I think, yeah, I've dated men. The last few people I've like I mean, I'm not dated loads, but like the bus load of Lucy's dates.
Speaker 2:The last few guys like the intelligence has been one of the reasons why I've been with them for the times that I have, because they're smart. So, yeah, they challenge me mentally is an important thing for me. Like I like a guy that can see my potential as much as I can and can like cheer me on and vice versa, like I'm a big, big supporter for friends, guys in my life. If I can see their mission for sure has important to me. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, and now for just a for, let's go to the bedroom. We were dating. Hopefully for some guys that they get past there an intelligent guy who's present and they're happy to make it to the bedroom phase, which Lucy said. Many people do not make it, but if you happen to have made it there, let's do turn offs in the bedroom, lucy. What are the turn offs?
Speaker 2:Selfishness.
Speaker 1:Interesting because you know, as guys, man, we can sometimes go for hours. Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know someone that just thinks like like in a consumer, for example, they just gonna have their way and go like no, like you can tell, I can tell that quite quickly or someone anyway. So on me they wouldn't have made it to that entry anyway, to my bedroom anyway. But oh God, I hate it when someone doesn't want to stay afterwards. That is the worst.
Speaker 1:Oh man, goodness the hidden. You know what I will tell you, lucy. Okay, since I've occupied both sides of this equation, that's because, lucy, some women are just like I mean, they're just like, I wanna say, one nighters because, as crazy as it may sound, I'm not a guy who and this is not being judgmental to people who do all the time, but I'm not a very big smashing on the first date guy or bringing you to my house on the first date guy, cause I don't know if you're crazy, I don't know if you're like locking men up in your basement.
Speaker 2:I'm not sure what you're doing.
Speaker 1:I just don't like that. I just don't know. If I don't know a person, that's difficult, cause you know what the guys the penis takes over they'll invite you to their house in the first minute. They can pass you today. Pass by your window, lucy, and be like hey, she looks nice, you wanna come to my house? Like a lot of guys they tend to do that. But me personally I'm very much in control of that portion, even though I'm not in control of, like you know, if I see a woman and she's attractive, I don't care what she has going on. Maybe she does have men locked up in the basement, I don't care in that moment. But once I've kind of gotten over that and we're kind of in conversation and stuff like that, I'm just gonna invite you to my crib. Like I don't know if you're gonna show up here again tomorrow, like I'm not gonna sure.
Speaker 1:I'm not really a big. I'm not really big on that. But I will tell you, like with some people, maybe even after the first day, maybe after I've gone out and we've met, you know, it can be quick, it can be like the next day. I've had that happen before where it's been like within 24 hours, but not necessarily the same night. You know what I mean. But I really feel like those relationships, lucy, you're kind of defined right Like you. For me personally and I think that is kind of what you discussed earlier what are you looking for?
Speaker 1:Some women I've had some women, lucy, that are just looking for that one, that physical connection. They're not looking. You call them later. They think it's strange. And it's kind of like me personally. I've had women like that.
Speaker 1:When I tell you, lucy, there's been times I could have left the car running outside. You know what I mean. When I come in, we do our thing and I'm out of here. You know what I mean. I could still catch my film, I could still catch whatever rest of the night. I'm calling them the fellas. Hey, where are you guys at? We're gonna pull up on whatever bar or wherever they're hanging out at. And then you have ones that are more substantive. You know Cause I think that ultimately for me all the physical is better when the intellectual is better, like. So when intellectual is in line, then the physical is kind of more in line with that. You know what I mean. And those are, but those are like few I would say I wouldn't know if I wanna say I have just as many on a one to one ratio, but I've been on both sides of that equation. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a good answer.
Speaker 1:So what are the turn ons? Better turn ons for Lucy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and what intelligence.
Speaker 1:In the bedroom, in bedroom. What is bedroom intelligence? They can read you Like you want somebody in there, like theory of relativity in a bedroom, like what do you want them discussing in there? Lucy?
Speaker 2:No, no, not talking about it, no no, no, not talking about intelligence.
Speaker 1:You don't want anybody breaking down mathematics in there. I don't.
Speaker 2:Nine time tables go no Intelligence. And like they can read you, you know, like you can read into these bodies, you're very in tuned with each other. That's what I mean. Like bodily intelligence, if that makes sense, is a big turn on. I mean, if I go back to like not rushing anything, you know like I think some guys get really excited and that's kind of it, they're done. But I think, like you know, like being a tune to a woman and taking things slower, staying over, like I said, like if you're fucking leaving we aren't doing anything.
Speaker 1:We can't do more. Do you establish that totally, lucy? Like do they come into the house? You're like, hey, so how much time do you have tonight?
Speaker 2:If you're like I got about 30 minutes, girl, I got 30 minutes for you and you're like get out of here now I could be like no, but like, here's my dog, go take him for a walk. I've definitely offered someone to take my dog walk before. But yeah, yes, yeah, I'll say that's kind of, that's kind of shit.
Speaker 2:No, the dog actually needed the shit as well, so that was great. That was like that was me done. I went and had a shower and I got ready for bed. Yeah, those are kind of my main things. Like by then, you know, I don't really. Yeah, all my abandonment stuff comes up if a guy leaves afterwards, so I pre-qualify it. I normally just slip it into a conversation, like I mean, normally the guys buy them and kind of read into it and they're like oh, do you mind if I stay in? And I'm like no, I don't mind, I'm like cream plug.
Speaker 1:Right, you better stay. That's a loose.
Speaker 2:Okay, bye.
Speaker 1:How much is it? What's the amount of time? Is there overstaying? You're welcome. What if those guys they're like three days and you're like, hey, I need you to really go home, Like there is, there's a happy meeting there. What's that meeting? Is that like a day? Is that a night? Where's that meeting at Lucy for guys to get out of there?
Speaker 2:I think it depends on the guy, but I have had an overstate recently. Yeah, well, okay. So typically I will have plans in the next day, so like I'll go to my gym or I'll be catching up with some girlfriends and like, even if I don't have the plans, I will be making the plans, so I can strategically be, like midday, you know, I need to go blah, blah, blah. However, I have had one guy once he stayed for 72 hours, but that was because I wanted him to stay. He ends up meeting my parents on FaceTime. It was a whole thing.
Speaker 1:Wow, wow. Was all this within 72 hours? Goodness gracious, did y'all have numbshools in the week? Were y'all done? Were y'all like, through the marriage, through the divorce, about seven days?
Speaker 2:I wasn't saying he did freak out. We ended it two weeks later. We hit us on the way Very good friends are another really good friend but that was because that was New Year's Eve. So, like, this is quite a funny story. My brother's gay and him and his boyfriend had a New Year's Eve, called them, and I was at a New Year's Eve party and the guy that I was like I hadn't we hadn't slept together yet at the time, but we were like there was a thing between us Walk past and I see my brother and my brother's boyfriend's like attention, just go off screen from me and who? The guy was behind and I'm like who's the guy? I'm like, oh, it's my friend, come over, come over. So then do you know what I mean? He gets to meet my brothers very quickly, and then the next morning my parents wanted to have a New Year's call. So I'm like, oh, my friend is still here.
Speaker 1:I was like, yeah, was he just like in a background, Was like walking around or something Like were you? Going to hide him, or are you just like wandering around?
Speaker 2:A New Year's Eve party in the evening, no, when your parents called. So when your parents called, was he in the shot? Oh, ok, just hanging out, I was just going with my parents are ringing and I was just like I didn't even think I asked him, I was just chilling with him. I was like my parents are ringing and I was like, oh, there's your brother again, hey. So my brother's like oh, he's still here. My mom's like Right, that guy's there my mom's like who is this?
Speaker 1:Yeah. So how do you and this is going to be the last question, because initially for the audience, when I got on with Lucy, that's my goal for about half an hour here, man get to my other shows, and we've been going for an hour here, which is a good sign, lucy that means I still have a million questions I could ask. So, when you are, is there an ultimate decision? Because once you got into the bedroom, it seems like you get. Well, guys, it's like phases.
Speaker 1:Lucy, we got to get to the house first. We don't even know if you're going to invite us home. If you want to get invited home, we know there's no guarantee that you're going to get to the bedroom. You got another place or you know wherever sex may be. There's no guarantee that you're going to get to that next level. Is there things that guys can do that I want to say better, increase their chance, because that's where a lot of guys are trying to get. They want to do it, but some of them they're so shy they don't even come out their shell. And the woman, because I've been on both sides of this too, by the way, lucy, I've had women completely shit on me, because that took me too long to make a move and they just completely came in and asked me like yo, are you making a move or not?
Speaker 1:And I felt so like oh man like, yeah, let me make, whatever move I'm going to make, it's going to be awkward. So what is for guys who may have that trouble, kind of like reading women because you don't want to come off as being too pushy, because there could be a line right. So you don't want to come off as being too pushy, but how do you say that, yo, this is the direction. And I'm pretty sure women aren't, they're not dumb, they know, they know that that's what you want at some point. But for guys that may be a little bit on the shyer side or not just want to come off as being that pushy, asshole type of guy, how do they approach that subject without seeming like they're just weak and not being aggressive enough? Because you know women, they'd be like, oh, guys are horn dogs. But then if you don't approach, they're like, oh, they're too soft and they're weak, and you find yourself in both categories.
Speaker 2:Oh, this is a tough one, because I've had this recently with someone that I liked and he didn't make the move. And then I messaged him. I messaged him and just told him, but by then he left the country that we were both at and he was like what?
Speaker 1:Yes, he's going to think about that forever, as I have.
Speaker 2:And he was like what? I was like what, oh my god, he's like. I tried it before and I was like it was a funny thing, you name it, nothing ever lined up between us. And then we ended up doing a weekend thing together and we both got so high on mushrooms that I couldn't even go anywhere near him, and that was his way of trying to open up to me. But I couldn't leave the sofa. And then he was like, oh, I'm obviously not going to take advantage of her right now. She's high on magic mushrooms but, which I don't advocate, obviously. But that was where we were, we were on holiday.
Speaker 2:So, gosh, I really feel for this Because, equally, as a woman I'm speaking only from my experience, not obviously every woman in the world, but sure, if a guy isn't hitting on me, I'll be like we've been on three dates, like are we pen pals? Like what are we? Like? I have a lot of male friends in my life, so typically I probably will go to one of them and be like I've got this situation. And then I would say, if I look back at previous experiences yeah, I've just said it, I've just said it and it hasn't worked.
Speaker 2:I've got a lot of people who literally freak themselves out and end everything and turn his phone off for 10 days. What?
Speaker 1:She says no guy ever, lucy, like what? That's amazing to me.
Speaker 2:We talk through a lot. We've gone through a lot over the last years. We're now really good friends. But like he just wasn't expecting it and he just felt very intimidated by the whole thing.
Speaker 1:But yeah, by your sexuality or by your fortness with it where did you feel the? Intimidation came from.
Speaker 2:Because, just like the businesses and the things that I've created in my life, like my own independent success that was what it was. He felt quite threatened by it and he spoke about it.
Speaker 1:very early doors yeah.
Speaker 2:Absolutely yeah, and so it wasn't like anything else. And then he just wasn't expecting me to be like look, I have feelings for you. I actually said to him like I have feelings for you, but I have no expectation of where this is gonna go, and he was like I remember this for this day. He's like wow, you are so brave. And that was his response Cause you didn't know what to say, and then I was like I need to go. This is really awkward, even though we were in a apartment at the time.
Speaker 1:You just got in another room. Where did you go, I?
Speaker 2:initially had a lunch I had to go to within two hours I had to get ready for, and so obviously he had to literally like pick up his shoes and let himself out, and then, yeah, and then we didn't speak with him for 10 days and then it was just so awkward. But I'm sorry, I'm not answering your question. I would say I don't know. There's no right or wrong answer. I think you've just got to say it. You've just got to say it and you just got to say it.
Speaker 1:Is there a certain time? So do we say it as soon as you get through the door? Or you're like this is my house, I'm like you want to have sex. Like we don't say it like as soon as you walk in the door. Maybe you wait 10 minutes. Is there an optimal time? You're like I don't want it to seem like a horn dog here.
Speaker 2:I mean maybe, like you've made out already before you've gone back to the house, that's kind of Okay, some kind of physical interaction before you got there, so you can kind of with and what time?
Speaker 1:I totally agree with this, Lucy, because I think that when I first started dating I was definitely more awkward than with experience. Like, once you had experience, you were learning to pick them on. Social cues. You learned to pick up on people's cues in general humanity cues, I kind of call them. You learn to pick up on cues from people, so that becomes a lot easier versus a person that could be more socially awkward. And I guess that question was more so for people who were like the socially awkward folks who maybe have trouble picking up on these things in general, you know.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, I would say, like, if someone has invited you back to the house, it's a pretty personal thing to do. Like I wouldn't I'm not going to make you a cup of tea, like I probably might say that, but actually I wouldn't even say that. Like, if someone's invited you back to the house, you're going to at least be kissing, surely? I mean, I don't want to be a liable for any.
Speaker 1:All right. Well, that's a say. We're going to have some people actually that immediately. Yeah, I haven't signed the legal agreement yet.
Speaker 2:But surely, like, if I invite a friend like a friend, like a friend of mine, that's a woman, for example to my house, I'm going to invite her around for like a cup of tea and dinner, but I'm already going to let her know. But if I'm inviting a guy around after dinner with him, we're not going to play chess. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Man, we played cards in my house. God, I screwed that so bad, man. Goodness, when I think about it now as I listened to you talk about it, I screwed that up so many times, what? Because I've been invited back to women's houses and that's exactly. I didn't play chess. We might play cards, we might hang out.
Speaker 1:And then they questioned me later like what the hell were you doing? And I had a friend of mine who has the same theory. He told me he said, reg, if you, if you write a woman to your house and she comes to your house or you go to her house, there's a good chance. He was never like there's a hundred percent chance, but he was like there's a good chance that they want further interaction there from a physical nature.
Speaker 1:But me at that time, before I had dated a lot, I had a lot of female friends growing up, lucy, and they were attractive. So I saw I've never looked at like being that, that horned-all guy like man. I just want to smash all the time like as soon as I see him, because I had so many in my life and I would see kind of how that was a turnoff to them in other areas of their life, as you said, like having unwanted attention and stuff like that. So I was always different with that.
Speaker 1:But I've definitely come to pick up on those cues better now and I think that just picking back enough with what you said, if you've already had some kind of physical interaction prior to like if that kiss doesn't get curved earlier and you can get to actually get to their house, then there's a good chance that there's they want something else, and then all you got to do is just kind of let things kind of flow naturally, so to speak, right, kind of let the energy kind of take over. I definitely appreciate you taking some time out here, lucy. This has been me, lucy. I could go on for like another hour and a half. I could make this like a complete month of shows. I could break this down to like 30 minute episodes.
Speaker 2:It's amazing, can I just I?
Speaker 1:definitely appreciate you taking some time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely Out of interest. I'm sure a lot of women want to hear this in your show as well. Sure, when you said no and you go back and you play cards, what's going through your mind?
Speaker 1:When? So when I haven't like pursued, like the sex part, yeah, and you've been playing cards or whatever game you play.
Speaker 2:What's going through?
Speaker 1:my mind is I would like to be having sex now. Like I just didn't do it, I just didn't say it, lucy, like I was an idiot, like I was, like I was so, and I think this is something too, lucy, that comes with dating throughout age, right? So when you're, I tell a lot of my friends, like when you're dating as a younger person, a lot of women are more I wouldn't say it's like hard to get, but it's kind of more like they're figuring themselves out still, like we're all as we all are right, who can date? You dated women past their age. Oh, they know, they know what they want and things get a lot easier because they participate in that back and forth. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:It's not like such so one sided as a guy having to be like kind of that hunter type situation where you just got to go and just be that type A alpha guy you know I'll throw her over your shoulder, run into the bedroom type situation Like that's. It becomes more of an ebb and flow through conversation and through life and stuff like that. But yes, every time I've done that and screwed that up and I remember all of them, lucy, it sucked, it's absolutely sucked. It's absolutely sucked. If I could get those do overs it would be amazing, but now life has gone on, no but-.
Speaker 2:You've learned a lot from that and yeah, I think we do.
Speaker 1:We learn from the negative stuff sometimes, Lucy, just as much, right? So some of your negative experiences could be vast teaching experiences for us. You know, and those I do look back on it and it's funny because I knew it instantly when you told me, you told this guy and his reaction. I know that place, Lucy. I know where his head was at because I've been in that place.
Speaker 2:I've never heard a guy admit that. I've never had a guy admit that Like how you've done. Yeah, he actually I think it's you.
Speaker 1:It happens like that, you know. Yeah, it was funny.
Speaker 2:He actually was like can you give me three days? I need to go and think about what you just said. I was like give me the whole three days that they're obviously like dissecting with every female in my life, like you know, doing all these like meditations on it, and then-.
Speaker 1:You don't know what to do over, do over. You want to do over Lucy, you want to do over. So damn bad, it's like you're just like man, I was right there and we're both thinking the same thing, right yeah?
Speaker 2:But somehow it just doesn't get there.
Speaker 1:It just doesn't get there. I missed out on the threesome because of that once and it was it would have been freaking amazing. And I missed out on that because my dumb ass made out and fell asleep Like it was freaking horrible. And I think about that. That was years ago and I will never forget it. I will never forget it, lucy. I will never forget it.
Speaker 2:I was like why is it all causing it so much?
Speaker 1:I did fell asleep, you know, and it wasn't really a particularly great sleep. I mean, I don't, I didn't have to fall asleep. It was just like we were at the club. We were clubbing that night. Everything was vibing. I had made out, whatever she were, with one of her. I was with her best friend, we're best friend. It was two girls. Best friend, we're making out with a best friend. She's driving. We were on our way back to house. I'm too drunk to drive, so I got to go. I have to go to her house because my car's still at the club. So to drunk the drive and do I'm in a backseat making out with her, with her best friend. We get there, then I'm making out with with the other girl and then I'm rewaking up the next morning. I was very anti-climatic, I'll tell you that.
Speaker 2:I mean, can you not try again? Like hey, I'm awake.
Speaker 1:I mean, I could if it wasn't like years ago, like and at the time you're right in the morning it was kind of like woke up and I think, like in certain times, and I think we could in life in general, lucy, right, there's certain times when the time has just passed, like that moment when that, even though the moment might not be a year away, it can only be like maybe 24 hours away, but it's just passed. Like you, now we're getting up, we're kind of like feeling funky, we're hungover from the night before, I need to find my car and it's, it's, the moment had passed. But tell you what I learned from those those situations Unfortunately, I had to go through the negative situations, fellas. I went through those fellas. So you don't have to. And you know, lucy, hopefully is helping us get over some of these things. And where could people find those? I know you said you had a 28 platform. I don't know if we have time to name all 28 of the. Do you even know all 28 of those?
Speaker 2:Lucy, could you name all 28? I don't, but no, no, I don't buy, I know there's anyway. So just do working under pleasure, so not pressure pleasure. See, if you type that into Spotify or YouTube, you will find me, and my Instagram is also working under pleasure, but I can send that to you as well. So it's all the same thing, same handle.
Speaker 1:Amazing, amazing. Well, I definitely appreciate you taking time out with me and my audience here to talk your ear off here and ask our billions of questions that we had here. Lucy, it's been a pleasure to join us here today.
Speaker 2:Oh, you're welcome. I really enjoyed it. Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1:You got it. Stay tuned, check us out, stay at your heart radio, google podcast, apple podcast, spotify, wherever you find your podcast. See you next time, guys.